The Mission Briefing 2014: Murphy's Law on Steroids
by Papa Bear Awards
Summary: Guess who's in charge of the Papa Bear Awards this year...
1. Guess Who's on the Line

**.**

**THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS 2014**

.

The Mission Briefing:

**Murphy's Law on Steroids**

.

"_Hello there, chaps. Can I speak with Papa Bear himself, please?"_

Kinch wasn't sure if he liked the sound of that voice on the radio, but he knew his duty. "Yes, sir. One moment, please." He pulled off the headphones and jumped up the ladder.

"Colonel," he began as soon as his head appeared over the side of the bunk. "London wants to talk to you." Better not mention that...

"Right." The Colonel put down his cards and followed Kinch down into the tunnel. He picked up the microphone, Kinch switched to the speakers, and Hogan spoke professionally, "Papa Bear here. Go ahead, Mama Bear."

"_Hello there, old boy! Everything alright out there?" _

Hogan thought he couldn't believe his ears, and glanced at Kinch with his eyebrows raised.

But Kinch merely shrugged.

"Yes, we're fine. But... is this really you, Mama Bear?"

"_Of course it is me! How do you like my new job? Jolly good show, eh?"_

Hogan groaned. "Alright, what do you want."

"_Well, we've got a mighty hot package coming your way. It's scheduled to be dropped at... let me see... Y 23 on Thursday, the seventh of January, 11 p.m. That's tonight,"_ he added helpfully.

Kinch shook his head. "The seventh was Tuesday. It's the ninth today."

"Mama Bear, are you sure it's the seventh?" an already exasperated Hogan inquired. "It's already the ninth today, you know."

"_It is?"_ They heard some rustling – Crittendon was probably turning to look at the calendar. Or at his watch. Or whatever. The bumbling fool... _"My, you are right! That Wembley chap really needs to work on his handwriting though. But yes, I suppose it could say 'Tuesday' there instead of 'Thursday'. Oh. Well, then the package is already there. You can just go and pick it up."_

"Alright. Let's hope it's still there." Hogan already felt a headache coming on. "Are you sure it's Y 23 then?"

"_Let me see... Well, it's definitely a Y. Though it may be a G. Or a J – that's difficult to tell. And the 2 might be a 7 perhaps, and the 3 could also be an 8. Or a 9. Yes – I think that covers it all."_

Hogan closed his eyes. "More than enough, yes. Let's hope the Jerries didn't find that package first. What's in it, if I may ask?"

"_Of course you may. It's the stuff for the Papa Bear Awards – stories, instructions and all!"_

"What?! You mean that stuff is lying out there, for anyone to find? Mama Bear, has it perhaps escaped your notice that our operation is supposed to be classified? Top secret?"

"_Of course not, good man. Now you just go out there and pick up the package, and all will be right as rain. Mama Bear over and out."_

Hogan slammed down the microphone. "Swell. Just swell!"

"So what do we do?" Kinch asked. "Do you want to risk going out during the day to try and retrieve that package?"

Hogan shook his head. "Too dangerous. Besides, we don't even know exactly where to look."

"But leaving it out there is dangerous, too," Kinch pointed out. "Although I think we may assume that Hochstetter hasn't found it. If he had, he would be here by now."

"Exactly." Hogan frowned in thought. "Kinch, get on the radio. Get all the Hamelburg Underground units you can reach, and tell them to go and look for that package. And tell them that if they find it, they have to hide it, and let us know. Then we'll pick it up after dark."

* * *

><p>That afternoon, the woods in the area around the Y section on the map were crawling with people. It wasn't even a good day for a stroll in the woods – it was dark, and gloomy. But they were there, searching for some kind of package – not knowing that the package had long been found...<p>

* * *

><p>As usual during the night, two of the dogs went on patrol outside the wire without a guard on leash. That Tuesday night, it had been the turn of Wolfgang and Friedrich to roam the woods outside Stalag 13, on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary.<p>

"Listen. A plane." Friedrich stopped and pricked his ears, and Wolfgang followed his example.

"It's only one plane. And not a plane with bombs. Those sound heavier," Wolfgang deduced.

"Maybe it's one of those planes that brings Colonel Hogan his food?"

"Perhaps." Wolfgang set off towards the nearest clearing to determine the location of the plane. For if the plane was going to drop something, that meant Colonel Hogan or one of the others of his pack were outside the wire. They'd better keep an eye on them.

"There. They've thrown something out." Friedrich had excellent night vision, and noticed the dark parachute floating down against the dark night sky.

"Then Colonel Hogan cannot be far." Wolfgang sniffed the air. And again.

"I don't smell him," Friedrich said, looking around. "Perhaps they're on the lee side of the wind."

"Let's go and look."

They trotted over in the direction where the parachute would be coming down. But there was no scent of Colonel Hogan, or any other human from his pack.

A dull thump in the sand marked the landing of the package on the parachute nearby. But of Colonel Hogan no scent. They combed out the woods, scanned the entire area, but all they smelled were the scents of the wood and its creatures. No human in scent.

"Maybe we should have a look at that package," Friedrich suggested.

Wolfgang agreed, and together they went back to the sandy patch where the package had come down. It still lay there, out in the open.

They smelled it on all sides. "It smells like the good humans," Wolfgang decided.

"But there is no food in there." Friedrich sounded a bit disappointed.

"And no stuff to blow things up either." Wolfgang frowned. "I think it's just paper."

"Paper?"

"Yes. Remember around this time last year, in the beginning of the winter, there was a drop of lots of stories on paper? Maybe this is the same. Stories."

"Yes. And we won!" Friedrich was still immensely proud. "Do you think there'll be new stories about us in this package?" He tried to open the lid of the crate, but unfortunately, neither his paws nor his teeth were designed for such a task.

"Maybe we should just take the package back to camp. Before someone else finds it," Wolfgang thought.

"How? By rolling it over and over and over?"

"Hm." Wolfgang studied the situation. "You're right, that'd be way too conspicuous. Let's just bury it, like a bone. And then we can show the Colonel where it is as soon as he shows up."

Friedrich agreed, and for a while, the two dogs dug into the sandy ground of the clearing.

"There. That should do." They pushed the crate into the hole, filled it up again, and pulled a large pine branch from the woods to lay on top of it, to hide the obvious signs of something being buried here.

"Now let's get back to camp. I think it's close to roll call – we better not be missed."

* * *

><p>The following day however was awfully busy – and so the first ones to learn of the package were the dogs tuned into the evening's twilight barking.<p>

"I'll try and take Schnitzer out to the woods tomorrow," Blümchen barked from the vet's farm. "We should be able to find it."

Schnitzer had been unwilling to go out further than the chestnut tree in the rain that morning, but for some reason, in the afternoon he suddenly wanted to go to the woods himself. Happily, Blümchen danced around him. "Yes, to the woods! We need to go to the woods!"

Unfortunately, Schnitzer insisted on staying on her leash, but Blümchen knew where to go. She easily picked up Wolfgang's and Friedrich's scent, and the buried package was just as easily found.

She pulled at the branch, and Schnitzer helped, too. Yes, it was easy to tell that a dog or two had buried something there. She quickly started digging, but Schnitzer pulled her back.

"What are you doing? We're not digging for bones – we're supposed to look for a package!"

Blümchen barked. "But there is a package here! Just let me dig it up!" She started digging again, and this time, Schnitzer let her. Maybe because within a dig or two, something flat and made of wood came in sight.

"Steady, girl. What have you got there?" Schnitzer knelt down next to her, and tried to help her clear the sand away from the package. There was some material and ropes as well.

"Okay, that's it. Good girl!" Schnitzer complimented her. "I guess Wolfgang found it then on his forays outside the camp, didn't he?"

Blümchen barked her confirmation.

"Right. Then let's close this up again. It's better if Colonel Hogan picks it up himself tonight. Dig, girl!"

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I'm doing this," Hogan groaned that night, shovelling another handful of sand away from the marked place. "And all for a bunch of stories?!"<p>

"If you do it like this, it's easier." Carter bent down and started digging like a dog.

But Newkirk pushed him aside. "Who taught you that – Hasenpfeffer?"

"No, the dogs in the kennel actually." Carter kept at it. By now he was the only one who was still digging.

"How deep did those dogs bury that thing anyway?" Kinch asked.

"Maybe we've got the wrong spot," LeBeau helpfully pointed out.

"No, this is what Schnitzer said. Under a large loose pine branch in a sandy clearing at approximately Y 24." Hogan scanned their surroundings for possible danger.

"At least Crittendon got the coordinates right – more or less," was Kinch's opinion.

"There!" Carter cried, and was immediately silenced by Newkirk.

But they all saw it – a piece of dark material was sticking up out of the sand now. Suddenly, everyone pitched in again, and soon they were able to lift not only the parachute, but also the crate attached to it out of the hole.

"There we go. A whole crate full of stories again!" Newkirk dusted off the top and wanted to crack open the lid already.

But the Colonel stopped him. "We take it back to camp first. There we can see what's inside."

And his word was law, so obediently, they all trudged back to camp, taking turns in carrying their pretty heavy treasure.

But upon entering the tunnels...

"Watch it!" LeBeau suddenly called as he was about to climb in after Newkirk.

Too late.

Before Newkirk realized what he had to watch out for, the crate that had slipped from LeBeau's hands already knocked him out.

As LeBeau jumped down the ladder and called for a glass of water to try and revive Newkirk, Kinch and Carter set out to collect all the papers that had scattered from the broken crate.

"You've got to say one thing though," Carter pointed out. "Newkirk really has a hard head!"

"Yeah." Kinch grinned and held up one of the papers in his hand. "Welcome to the Papa Bear Awards!"

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Note: the title _Murphy's Law on Steroids_ comes from Snooky, who used the expression in a recent email exchange. Too good to pass up! I have no idea yet where the story is going, so we'll see what Mr. Murphy throws at the guys..._

_And of course the characters of the dogs certainly are not mine - that credit goes to both Snooky and Sgt. Moffitt!_


	2. The PBA for Beginners

**.**

**The PBA for Beginners**

.

The Papa Bear Awards is an annual game in which we elect the very best work in Hogan's Heroes fanfiction from the past year. It usually takes place between January and April, and has been around for several years – I believe since 2003.

We have several story categories, but we also elect the best portrayal of characters, the best quotes and the best teasers. Categories and rules have varied a bit over the years, but the basic idea has been the same: to elect and honour quality in Hogan's Heroes fanfiction.

The election process starts with a nominating round. Every HH fanfic author and every HH fanfic reader may nominate his favourites – this year 1 favourite in each category. It's not necessary to have read every story before you nominate – you can just nominate the best from among the stories you've read. And every nomination counts: one nomination is sufficient to continue to the voting round. (Only the most prestigious category "best story of 2013" works a bit different – more about that once we start the game in January.)

When all the nominations are in, they get published. Especially when there are so many stories to choose from as these past years, you may regard it as a very great honour to have your work nominated out of so many others!

Once the nominations are published, the voting round begins. In this round, everyone has 3 votes in each category. But we do ask that you try and read everything nominated in a category before making your decision in that category – for how can you make a well considered decision if you're not acquainted with all the good stuff that others nominated? Regularly, you'll discover some real gems among the nominated work that you had missed during the year!

Of course it's not obligatory to participate in every category. If you are pressed for time, or if for example you don't like a certain category, you can just skip entire categories. As a matter of fact, the whole PBA is not obligatory at all. You can even choose to lurk in the dark, just having your stories out there and see what others think of it!

However, you don't have to feel obliged to stay away from nominating and voting just because you have stories participating this year. The majority of the nominators and voters in the PBA are in this position. As long as you can make an honest decision as to which story is best (and it may not always be your own), you are very welcome to participate. And rest assured: in order to prevent authors from shamelessly promoting their own work, we have a strict rule that authors cannot nominate their own work. Still, if someone else has nominated your work, you are indeed allowed to vote for it in the voting round :-)

Once all the votes are in, they will be tabulated. And the three winners in each category will be awarded a gold, a silver and a bronze Papa Bear Award. (Don't get your hopes up; it's nothing fancy – just a computer made pdf or jpg file :-) And of course the winners will get published in the next edition of The Stalag 13 Gazette here on the site!

And a few things to keep in mind:

The Papa Bear Awards are just a game.  
>It's not a matter of life or death to win a Papa Bear Award.<p>

Winning a Papa Bear Award will not grant you global fame.  
>But it sure does feel good to know that your fellow HH authors appreciate your writing!<p>

Participating in the Papa Bear Awards is free of charge.  
>You won't win a million dollars with it either.<p>

All HH stories that were completed during 2013 are in the PBA election by default.  
>So you don't have to register to have them participate.<br>(But feel free to tell us if you'd rather not have them participate.)

There is no reason to withdraw your work just because you feel shy.  
>Let others be the judge of your writing<br>And you might just be surprised at their opinion.  
>FYI: every year, there is a fair number of new authors who win awards.<br>Even gold awards!

The number of votes in the voting round are not made public.  
>Thus if your story got nominated, but doesn't get any votes in the voting round<br>You'll never know.  
>Nor will anybody else.<br>So no embarrassment.

With so many stories out there as this year  
>It really is a great honour to get your work nominated out of so many others.<br>Even if you don't win an award.

And if you don't get anything nominated  
>Look around at the fierce competition and you'll know there's no reason to feel bad.<br>Just concentrate on the positive reviews you got for your work  
>And don't be discouraged: keep writing!<p>

There is no reason to suddenly hurry your stories to an end.  
>It's fairly certain that there will be another PBA next year for you to participate in.<p>

The Papa Bear Awards is an election of the best fanfiction work.  
>It's about the quality of writing.<br>It's not a contest to see who has the most friends.

If you'd like to check out the winners of the earlier editions of the PBA  
>You can find links to them in the Communities here on ffnet.<br>Just click on the "Communities" link in the top righthand corner of the main HH story page.

The Papa Bear Awards are organized by HH fanfic authors and readers just like you.  
>We dedicate a lot of time to it<br>And have a lot of fun doing it  
>But we don't make any money with it.<p>

And remember:

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

We're only a PM or an email away!


	3. Pick and Choose

**.**

**List of This Year's Categories**

.

A little overview of this year's categories,  
>with links to the lists of their eligible stories<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Best story of 2013<br>**The ultimate honour!  
><em>(Note: slash and crossover stories are not eligible here)<em>

_._

**Best snapshot  
><strong>The best story told in less than 1,000 words!

.

**Best short story  
><strong>(3 categories: **short comedy, short drama, short general story**)  
>The best stories told in 1000 – 5000 words!<p>

.

**Best long story  
><strong>(3 categories: **long comedy, long drama, long general story**)  
>The best stories that took more than 5000 words to tell!<p>

.

**Best story based on an actual episode of the series**

**.**

**Best story based on a challenge**

**.**

**Most unique story**  
>A story with a unique plot twist, unusual writing style,<br>or one that is simply just strange and different and… well… unique!  
>You've never read anything like it!<p>

.

**Best poem, filk or songfic **

**.**

**Best crossover story**

**.**

**Best slash story**

**.**

**Best portrayal of a canon character  
><strong>Who portrays the main Hogan's Heroes characters best?  
>This is where you nominate the best portrayal of<br>Hogan, Klink, Schultz, LeBeau, Newkirk, Kinch, Carter, Burkhalter and Hochstetter.

.

**Best portrayal of a canon extra  
><strong>Best character performance from any other regular or guest character who originates from the original TV-show,  
>ranging from semi main cast member Baker to the merely mentioned Nimrod,<br>from Frau Linkmeyer to Freddy,  
>and from the sergeant of the motorpool to the guy on the back bunk in barracks 2.<p>

.

**Best original character  
><strong>Best original (new) character created for a story that you would have enjoyed seeing in the actual TV-show.

.

**Best teaser**  
><span>The most tickling teaser or summary that makes you want to read the story right away!

.

**The best quotes**  
><span>Here you may nominate 3.  
>The most interesting (funniest or moving or silly or so very true or...) line or lines you've come across this year.<br>But: – keep it short (in dialogue max statement - reply - reaction; in descriptive text max three lines (e.g. from capital to period))  
>– and make sure it makes sense even outside its context.<p>

.

* * *

><p><strong>Closing date for nominations: <strong>

_**February 21st, 2014**_


	4. Playing by the Rules

.

The rules in the game of

**THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS 2014**

* * *

><p>Now accepting nominations for the stories completed in 2013!<p>

**_Basic rule this year: nominate 1, vote for 3!_**

So you may nominate 1 favourite in each category. Yes, only 1 this year!

The only exception is the category for *best quote* - there you may still nominate 3.

* * *

><p>– You may nominate a story <span>only once<span> in the story categories . So if story A is both hilarious and unique, you´ll have to take your pick where you think it would do best: the comedy section or the most unique category. You cannot nominate the story in both categories.

_Question: if I nominate my favourite story in (for example) the comedy section, can I still nominate characters, quotes and teasers from that story?_

_Answer: Yes, you can. The restriction of one nomination per story applies __only__ to the story categories (e.g. drama, comedy, general, snapshot, challenge, episode, unique, poetry, slash and crossover). If you like, you could even nominate the teaser and all your quotes and characters from one single story. However, with no less than 136 stories to choose from... _:-)

_Question:__ My favourite story is listed as drama, but I would like to nominate it in the general category. Can I do that?_

_Answer:__ Yes, you can. Drama, comedy and general stories are up to you to decide in which of those three categories you think they would fit best. However, snapshots, poetry, crossovers and slash should be nominated in their own respective categories, and the stories that are eligible for the categories episode and challenge are given. _

* * *

><p>- The nomination for *best story of 2013* works a little different. You may nominate 1 story there – the very very best! However, it depends on the overall number of nominations the story receives whether or not it will go to the voting round for *best story of 2013*. See the FAQ in the next chapter.<p>

Only in this category are you allowed to nominate a story you have nominated elsewhere as well (for example in best drama or based on an episode).

Mind you, crossover stories and slash stories are not eligible for *best story of 2013*.

* * *

><p>– The best quote: this is the only category where you may nominate 3! But there are two strict rules to go by:<p>

1) keep it short (in dialogue max statement - reply - reaction; in descriptive text max 3 lines (e.g. from capital to period)

2) it must make sense even outside its context.

Failing these two basic rules, the nomination will be refused. If there is still time, the nominator may send in another quote instead.

* * *

><p>– You are free to skip nominatingvoting in categories you're not interested in.

* * *

><p>– No nominations of your own work in any category! Once your work has been nominated by someone else, you will be allowed to vote for it in the second round. But <em>nominating<em> your own work is VERBOTEN.

* * *

><p>– Nominations have to be signed with your name, your email address and – if you have one – your ffnet pen name. The honour system applies!<p>

– Nominations have to be in no later than **Friday, February 21st, 2014**, and the only way to send them in is by ffnet PM to Papa Bear Awards, or by email to papabearawards at yahoo dot com.

* * *

><p>- In case a story gets nominated in more than 2 story categories (not counting the *best story of 2013*), the author will be contacted to decide in which story categories this story will be competing in the voting round. If the author does not reply with a decision within a week, the PBA committee will make the decision instead.<p>

- **New this year**: the categories for short and long drama, comedy and general stories are going to be exclusive. This means a story can only compete in *either* drama, *or* comedy, *or* general story. In case the nominators don't agree on where the story belongs, the author will be asked to choose in which category this story will be competing. If the author does not reply with a decision within a week, the PBA committee will make the decision instead.  
>Note: a story going to the voting round in both drama and comedy, or comedy and general, or general and drama is hereby no longer permitted. There is however no problem with combinations like dramachallenge, comedy/unique and general/episode.

* * *

><p>– The list of nominees in each category will be published in the days following, and from there on, people will have approximately six weeks to cast their vote: 3 votes in each category. In that round, authors will be allowed to vote for their own work – once someone else has nominated it. This will be explained in more detail when the time has come.<p>

* * *

><p>– And seeing that there are so many stories this year, a little reading guide.<p>

There is no need whatsoever to have read every story before sending in your nominations! Of course it's laudable to try and read all the stories before making your choice, but for many of us, it's hardly realistic considering the demands of real life.

If you don't have the time to read all the stories before the nomination deadline, just pick out the stories you remember that made a real impression on you, and that in your opinion deserve to go on to the final round. Unless of course you already read them all as soon as they were published. :-)

* * *

><p>– And remember: the purpose of the Papa Bear Awards is to seek out and honour <strong>quality writing<strong>. It's not a social contest to see who has the most friends!

* * *

><p>– A complete overview of the stories and the categories they've been assigned to can be found on the PBA homepage. They are listed there by category, by word count, and in alphabetical order, with a direct link to each and every one of them.<br>Homepage: **www. konarciqdotnet / fanfiction / PapaBearAwards / index. html**  
>(translate to internetspeak and take out the spaces)<p>

* * *

><p>– Note: if you know of any stories missing (perhaps outside ffnet?), please contact us as soon as possible to correct the matter!<p>

.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact us at papabearawards at yahoo dot com.

* * *

><p><strong>Closing date for nominations: <strong>

_**February 21st, 2014**_


	5. So How Does it Work?

**.**

**FAQ**

**.**

**Q: What is the purpose of the Papa Bear Awards?**

A: The purpose of the Papa Bear Awards is to seek out and give recognition to quality writing, and to acquaint fellow authors and readers with the best work in the fandom of Hogan's Heroes.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: How does the PBA work?<strong>

A: First the authors and readers of Hogan's Heroes fanfiction nominate the works completed during 2013 that they consider to be of outstanding quality. All the nominated work goes to the voting round*, in which both authors and readers decide which works are really the very, very best of this past year.  
>* An exception is the category *best story of 2013*. See <em>Q: How does the nomination for *best story of 2013* work?<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Q: How do I know which stories are eligible?<strong>

A:You can find the complete listings on the PBA website:  
><strong>www. konarciqdotnet  fanfiction / PapaBearAwards / index. html**  
>(translate to internetspeak and take out the spaces as usual)<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Where do I send my nominations and votes?<strong>

A: You can send them by email to papabearawards at yahoo dot com, alternatively to Papa Bear Awards by ffnet PM.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: What exactly are those word counts?<strong>

A: Snapshots are stories of less than 1,000 words.  
>Short stories (comedy, drama, general) are between 1,000 and 5,000 words.<br>Long stories (comedy, drama, general) are those that have more than 5,000 words.  
>The other story categories do not have a division by word count.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Q: This story has 5100 words. Can I nominate it for short story? <strong>

A: No, you can't. The division by word count in the categories drama, comedy, general and snapshot is very strict. No exceptions!

* * *

><p><strong>Q: This poem has only 400 words. Can I nominate it as a snapshot?<strong>

A: You could, but due to their special character, poems, filks and songfics should preferably be nominated in their own category, where they compete with works of a similar kind. PBA history has shown that they tend to stand little or no chance in 'normal' story categories. Unless of course you think it to be of such outstanding quality that it merits being nominated as *best story of 2013*!

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Where do I nominate a story that is listed as (for example) friendshiphurt-comfort? There is** **no category for those!**

A: When there is no clear category assignment, the author has left the choice entirely up to you. So you may decide for yourself whether you think it would fit best as comedy, drama, general, unique etc.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: My favourite story has been assigned to drama, but I would like to nominate it in the general<strong> **category. Can I do that?**

A:Yes, you can. Only crossovers and slash stories should be kept within their own category – simply because of their very different nature, their limited audience, and because practice has shown that they don't really stand a chance elsewhere. For the others, the choice is pretty much up to you – although it's advisable to keep the poetry in its own category as well. But for the rest, the given genres of drama, humor, general, family, adventure etc are merely a guideline to help you find your way.  
>Note: we're running a test this year, with having one slash story eligible in the episode category and one crossover story eligible in the challenge category. Their eligibility there is certainly legit; we'll wait and see how they perform there!<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I notice that some of the eligible stories on the list are not marked *complete* on ffnet. How come they are in anyway?<strong>

A: Some authors have reported trouble: ffnet wouldn't let them mark their story or stories as complete. Rest assured that the stories on the list that are not marked as *complete* on ffnet have been double checked with the authors, and are indeed supposed to be complete!

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I notice that some of the eligible stories from AO3 were actually completed in 2012. How come they are in this year?<strong>

A: Quite simple: we totally overlooked them last year. It doesn't seem fair to never give them a chance in the PBA, so that's why we threw them in with this year's edition – to make up for last year's mistake.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: How come these three slash stories from last year are competing again?<strong>

A: Last year, we only had three slash stories. That is not enough for a separate category, and thus, they were simply thrown in with the rest. However, due to their special nature and relatively small audience, we already knew in advance that this way, these three stories wouldn't stand a chance at winning anything in a regular story category. That's why we promised their authors last year, that as soon as there were enough slash stories available for a separate category in a future PBA, their stories would get a second chance.  
>However, since they already had their chance in categories for best character portrayals, quotes and teasers, in this second chance they are *only* eligible in the slash category, this time in fair competition with stories of a similar kind.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Q: This story is listed as comedy, general, challenge and episode. That's great! Can I nominate this same story in all four of those categories?<strong>

A: No, you can't. You may nominate one and the same story in only 1 story category. So if you nominate story A in the challenge category, you cannot nominate that same story in episode, general and comedy as well. You need to pick one!  
>The only category where you may nominate the same story for a second time is the category *best story of 2013*. See below for explanation.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Q: If I nominate my favourite story in (for example) the comedy section, can I still nominate characters, quotes and teasers from that story?<strong>

A: Yes, you can. The restriction of one nomination per story applies only to the story categories (e.g. drama, comedy, general, snapshot, challenge, episode, unique, poetry and crossover). If you like, you could even nominate the teaser and all your quotes and characters from one single story. However, with no less than 136 stories to choose from... :-)

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I have a story participating in the PBA this year. Is it okay for me to participate in the nominating and voting?<strong>

A: Yes, you are very welcome to participate in the nominating and voting. In fact, most people participating have eligible stories out there. Just make sure you don't nominate your own work!

* * *

><p><strong>Q: How do I nominate my favourite story? <strong>

A: You check the PBA homepage (see address above) to see which stories are eligible this year. Once you've made your decision about what you want to nominate in which category, you can send an email listing your nominations to papabearawards at yahoo dot com. If you want to be sure you include all the necessary information, you can use the template (see next chapter).

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Do I have to read all the stories before I decide on my nominations?<strong>

A: No, you don't. Of course it's laudable to try and read all the stories before making your choice, but with the numbers we tend to have in the PBA these past years, it's hardly realistic. In the nomination round, it's perfectly okay to choose your nominations from among the stories you have read – whether they are 14 or 140.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Do I have to nominate in every category?<strong>

A: No, you don't. Feel free to skip the categories you're not interested in.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I'm not interested in crossovers – they tend to be about TV shows I have never seen. Do I have to nominate in that category?<strong>

A: No, you don't have to nominate in every category. You are free to limit yourself to the categories you're interested in.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: How many nominations are needed to go to the voting round?<strong>

A: One nomination is sufficient for a story, character, teaser or quote to go to the voting round. The only exception to this rule is the category *best story of 2013* - see below.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: How does the nomination for *best story of 2013* work?<strong>

A: You can nominate 1 story in our most prestigious category: the *best story of 2013*. This can be a story you nominated in another story category as well – mind you, this is the only category where you are allowed to do that!  
>However, this is also the only category where your nomination does not automatically let the story go to the voting round. That depends on the overall number of nominations the story receives.<br>In short, to go to the voting round in the category *best story of 2013*, a story must:  
>- receive at least 1 nomination in the category *best story of 2013*.<br>- _and_ it must receive nominations from other people in the story and/or character categories.  
>Only the stories that have been nominated by the most people will go on to the voting round for *best story of 2013* - we are aiming at approximately 7 to 10 stories in this category in the voting round.<br>I know it sounds complicated. Rest assured that the complication is limited to our tabulating the nominations. All _you_ need to do is to nominate your absolute favourite story!

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I don't know whether character A was originally a guest character, or whether the author just made him up. Where do I nominate him?<strong>

A: To be on the safe side, you can ask the author, alternatively the PBA staff.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Can I nominate quotes from my own stories, like we did a few years ago?<strong>

A: No, you can't. That option has been dropped this year. No nominations of your own work are allowed in any category.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Where do I find good quotes without rereading every story?<strong>

A: An option is to browse through the reviews. Many reviewers mention a particularly good quote from a chapter in their review.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I'm an author, and I've been contacted that my story has been nominated in three different story categories. And now I have to reject one of them. Why can't my story compete in all three?<strong>

A: In order to prevent having one (or a few) stories dominating the entire PBA like we've had in the past, we now have a rule that a story can only go to the voting round in 2 story categories. (Not counting the *best story of 2013*, so if your story got to the voting round there, too, you might still be competing in three categories!)  
>New this year is that the categories for drama, comedy and general stories are going to be exclusive. No matter if a story got nominated in all three, a story can only compete in *either* drama, *or* comedy, *or* general story. And if they got nominated in for example both comedy and drama, then the author will have to choose, even if that means the story will only go to the voting round in one story category.<br>Combinations of for example drama with challenge, or comedy with unique, or even challenge with unique are certainly permitted. But not drama plus comedy, or comedy plus general, or general plus drama.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I'm missing a few stories that have been completed this year. Why aren't they eligible?<strong>

A: Three possible reasons.  
>1) The story has been newly edited and reposted, but has already participated in a previous edition of the PBA.<br>2) The author has decided to withdraw this particular story from participation in the PBA.  
>3) If the story has only been published outside ffnet, we may simply have missed it. If that is the case, please let us know ASAP!<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I don't have an ffnet account, but I enjoy reading Hogan's Heroes fanfiction. Can I participate in the nominating and voting of the PBA?<strong>

A: Yes, you can.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: How do I vote?<strong>

A: Once it is time to vote, you will find the instructions here on the site, and on the PBA homepage. For now however, we're just nominating!

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Where do I send my votes?<strong>

A: You can send them by email to papabearawards at yahoo dot com, alternatively by ffnet PM to Papa Bear Awards. You will always receive a confirmation once your votes have been registered.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Do I have to vote in every category?<strong>

A: No, you don't have to vote in every category. If you are pressed for time, or if some categories simply don't interest you, it's perfectly okay to limit yourself to voting in only a few categories. Or even only one.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: My favourite story has been nominated in two categories. Can I vote for that story in both categories?<strong>

A: Yes, you can.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: My own storycharacter/teaser/quote has been nominated. Am I allowed to vote for it now?**

A: Yes, you can vote for your own work, if you are indeed convinced that your work is the best in that category. But be honest about it!

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Do I have to read everything before casting my vote?<strong>

A: In order to make a fair and well–considered decision, it is certainly advisable to have read everything in a category before deciding on your vote in that category.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: Why can't slash stories and crossovers qualify for "best story of 2013"?<strong>

A: The "best overall story" should be accessible and comprehensible for everyone who enjoys Hogan's Heroes – period. We know (and their authors know) by experience that these two genres have a limited audience.  
>Slash stories have the disadvantage that many HH readers (at least according to the posts on the forum and the reviews for slash stories) are not happy with this type of alteration of the canon characters, and they simply refuse to read this type of story.<br>And to understand a crossover, you have to be acquainted with another TV-show, movie, book etc. in order to even begin to comprehend the story.  
>Therefore, we do not consider stories from these genres suitable to perhaps end up being "the best Hogan's Heroes story that every HHfan should read", no matter how good they are.<br>As a side note: in none of the past six editions of the PBA have stories from these categories made it to the "best overall" category – not even when it was done by direct nomination.

* * *

><p><strong>Q: I would like to help with the PBA organization. Is there anything I can do?<strong>

A: For this year, all tasks have been divided, although I would think Floating Pizza could still use some help in making the certificates. Any volunteers?  
>As for helping next year, just drop us a message and we'll try and remember to get back to you next December! :-)<p>

* * *

><p>If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to contact us.<p>

_Enjoy your reading!_


	6. Simple!

.

How to nominate:

Copy and paste this form into an email or a Word document, complete it, and mail it to:

papabearawards at yahoo dot com

no later than _**Friday, February 21st, 2014**_.

* * *

><p><strong>Name:<strong>

**ffnet pen name: **

**Email address:**

* * *

><p><strong>MY NOMINATIONS FOR THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS:<strong>

**Best story of 2013:**

Title:

Author:

**Best snapshot:**

Title:

Author:

**Best short drama:**

Title:

Author:

**Best long drama:**

Title:

Author:

**Best short comedy:**

Title:

Author:

**Best long comedy:**

Title:

Author:

**Best short general story:**

Title:

Author:

**Best long general story:**

Title:

Author:

**Best story based on a challenge:**

Title:

Author:

**Best story based on a TV episode:**

Title:

Author:

**Most unique story:**

Title:

Author:

**Best poem, filk or songfic:**

Title:

Author:

**Best crossover story:**

Title:

Author:

**Best slash story:**

Title:

Author:

**Best portrayal of a canon character:**

Character:

Story:

Author:

**Best portrayal of a canon extra:**

Character:

Story:

Author:

**Best portrayal of an original character:**

Character:

Story:

Author:

**Best teaser:**

Teaser:

Story:

Author:

**Best quote:**

(Remember: max statement - reply - reaction in dialogue; or max 3 lines (from capital to period) descriptive text; and it has to make sense even outside of its context!)

Quote:

Said by:

Story:

Author:

.

Quote:

Said by:

Story:

Author:

.

Quote:

Said by:

Story:

Author:

**Closing date for nominations: **

**February 21****st****, 2014**


	7. Of Skunks and Paper Shortages

"Papa Bear calling Goldilocks. Come in, Goldilocks. Papa Bear calling Goldilocks. Come in, Goldilocks."_  
><em>

Static was the only reply, and Kinch pulled off the headphones with a dejected jerk. "It's no use, Colonel. I don't know what they're doing there in London, but nobody is answering our calls. Do you think Headquarters might have been hit in the latest raid?"

Hogan adjusted his cap. "Maybe. But it shouldn't take them _that_ long to get operational again. They've got lots of radio bases around London - surely they can't all have been hit at once." He sighed. "Just keep trying regularly, okay? They must get back on the air soon."

Kinch nodded, and put the headphones back on. "Papa Bear calling Goldilocks. Come in, Goldilocks. Papa Bear calling Goldilocks. Come in, Goldilocks."

_"Oh, hello Papa Bear. Is everything alright there?"_

"Yes, it is. But what's been going on at your place? We've been trying to get in touch with you for days!"

_"Oh my."_ Crittendon's slightly embarrassed laugh came to Kinch's ears. _"Well, it's to be expected, I assume. I only work on the radio part time, you know. My primary job is in code making."_

"Code making? Or code breaking?"

_"Code breaking? Me? Oh no... I'm very good at breaking things, from china to airplanes. But not codes. No - I _make_ them instead. They told me I have the perfect mind for the task - Jerry would never be able to make sense of my messages."_

"Well, that's good then." From the corner of his eye, Kinch saw Hogan gesturing that he wanted to talk to London himself, and he handed over the mike.

"Papa Bear himself here, Goldilocks. We've got a few questions regarding the awards."

_"Alright, fire away! Actually, we just had a major meeting this afternoon about the awards. Seems some stories had snuck in that shouldn't be in there at all, and others were not listed in their correct category. So that's why I proceeded to the radio as soon as the meeting was out - to inform you of the changes. I do hope you chaps hadn't been making any major decisions yet regarding your nominations?"_

"Well, some." Hogan pinched the bridge of his nose. "But let's have it - what are those changes?"

_"Well, there's been a story in there - a crossover called **A Tiny Little Job** - of which one of our informers informed us that apparently it got in thanks to a renewed posting, but that it had already participated and won silver in a PBA from some ten years ago. So can't have it participating again, can we."_

"No," was all Hogan said.

_"And then there's been an awful lot of hassle about which stories should be eligible for the category of 'based on an episode'. We've spent hours and hours in meetings trying to come to a decision, for the parameters everyone agreed on didn't seem to fit the stories we had. So in the end, we've decided that every story with a link to a particular episode - even if it's only by the use of a guest character - will be eligible in the 'based on an episode' category this year. So that means the stories **Evil on the Homefront** and **A Private War** are now eligible in this category as well. Just so you know."_

"Anything else?" Hogan's voice was beginning to sound a little sarcastic.

_"Um... No, I think that's it for now. So let me wish you a nice day, as you Yanks say, and..."_

"Hey, wait - we still have a question of our own!" Hogan began.

_"Yes? What is it? As long as it's not chocolate. Chocolate has been terribly rationed here lately."_

"Well, the stories got a bit mixed up. The crate fell and broke, and the papers scattered all over the place. We've been putting the stories back together to the best of our abilities, but we're still switching from werewolves to aliens and on to skunks with the turning of every page."

_"Skunks? Papa Bear, let me teach you one thing while you're here on our side of the Atlantic. There - are - no - skunks - in Europe. I bet the Indians grew them to scare off you Yanks in the hope you'd go away. But any tale including skunks around that base of yours is an abominable aberration from the truth of nature. There are no skunks in Europe!"_

"Fine. I'll keep it in mind. But could you perhaps send us another copy of the stories? We've spent days trying to put them back in order, but as I said, it's still a mess. Difficult to put things in order when you've never read the originals."

_"What?! My good man, are you out of your senses? Do you have any idea how much paper that is? There's a war on, you know - and paper shortage reigns our offices!"_

Kinch chuckled. "Maybe if they concentrated on fighting instead of filling out reports, there wouldn't be a paper shortage."

Hogan grinned, but Crittendon went on,_ "I'm sorry, chaps, but it simply can't be done. You'll have to manage the best you can in sorting them out. What? Oh... Sorry, chaps. Got to go. It's tea time. Have a nice day!"_

* * *

><p><em>Note: yes, it's true... The committee has been arguing back and forth for hours (actually: days) about the 'based on an episode' category and which stories should go there and which shouldn't, and which ought to be added and why, and which stories have such a tiny little link to the episode that they shouldn't be in at all... And even though we fully agree on the parameters we set originally, we can't seem to agree on which stories do and do not fit those parameters. So perhaps we need to tweak the parameters...? <em>

_The idea was, that only stories with a clear tie to the *plot* of a particular episode would be considered 'based on an episode'. So a prequel preparing for what happens in the episode; something that happened during the episode; or something directly resulting from an episode.  
>And the mere use of a guest character and his background in a totally different plot would *not* be considered 'based on an episode', for the simple reason of, "Where will it all end?" If we'd allow that, then *all* stories that mention or include Nimrod, Teppel, Mary Jane, Mavis, Wembley, Captain Gruber, Mittendorfer, Ridinghood, Danzig etc should be included as well. And then why not the stories about Marya, Tiger, Frau Linkmeyer, Feldkamp, Schnitzer etc? Indeed, "Where would it all end?" <em>

_True - we haven't been very consistent in it these past years. But anyway, we've decided to leave the discussion behind us for this year, and for now to simply include also the two stories that were linked to an episode merely by the use of a guest character in the 'based on an episode' category. (As said, this reasoning has been followed in at least one previous PBA, so it's not totally without precedent.)  
>Which means that <strong>A Private War<strong> and **Evil on the Homefront** have been added as eligible in that category. (You might want to double check the PBA website before deciding on your nominations - I don't think we've ever had so many late changes as this year!) _

_Next year we hope to be back with better workable parameters for this category, which will be set out already in December, so everybody knows what goes from the start. Hopefully, we'll be able to actually *stick* to the rules we set next time around... ;-)_

* * *

><p><em>Regarding Kinch's inability to reach Goldilocks: this goes for me, too. I do my best to reply to everything and everyone, but I don't check the PBA mail or the PM's to this account every day. (I'm not even on the internet every day...) <em>

_The receipt of nominations and votes will always be confirmed, so you know they've been registered. If you haven't heard anything after a week, *then* it's a good idea to contact me to check what's going on. But no need to panic if you don't hear anything within 24 hours :-) _

_If there is something urgent you'd like to discuss, it's better in any case to contact *me* (konarciq) by PM, instead of this Papa Bear Awards account. That one will come to my 'regular' mail, and will likely be seen within 48 hours at the most. _

_Meanwhile, I want to apologize to my recent reviewers, for the PBA has been consuming so much time these past days that I haven't had a ghost of a chance yet to reply to them. Blimey, I haven't even had a chance to read the new chapters about the aliens...!_

_And my thanks goes to Book'em Again this time, for the naughty idea of the scattered papers!_


	8. OSO - OSO - OSO

_Beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep beep beep beep beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep..._ _Beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep beep beep beep beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep..._ _Beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep beep beep beep beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeeep..._

"Yeah, yeah." Kinch jumped off the ladder and suppressed a yawn as he fell down on the stool by the radio. He put on the headset and took the mike. "Papa Bear here. Go ahead."

_"So you finally picked up my S.O.S., eh? About time!"_ came an exasperated voice in his ear.

Crittendon...

"That was an O.S... Never mind. What is the problem?"

_"What's the problem? Don't you _know_ what the problem is?!"_

"Why don't you tell me."

_"It's next week!"_

"What is next week?"

_"The deadline!"_

"The deadline?"

_"Of the... My good man, have you forgotten? The biggest event of the year in your dreary prisoner lives, and here you are asking me _what_ deadline!"_

"Um..." Kinch scratched his head. "Sorry, Colonel, it's..."

_"Group Captain actually,"_ Crittendon corrected.

"Group Captain," Kinch complied wisely. "But you see, it's the middle of the night, and you just woke me up, so don't expect any fancy brainwork from me at the moment. So... what's the problem?"

An audible sigh. _"The deadline, my good man."_

"What deadline?"

_"Of the Papa Bear Awards - your very own Papa Bear Awards! Don't tell me you forgot?"_

"Oh!" Kinch rested his head in his neck. "No, we haven't forgotten. But the deadline is next week, isn't it?** Next Friday, the 21st**."

_"Yes. But what are you chaps doing out there? So far, we've only got four sets of nominations in. Four!"_

"So?" Kinch refused to see the problem. "The guys are still working on it. Every free moment they're poring over the stories, trying to make up their mind. But they still have a week left, don't they? So what's the problem?"

_"Well, as long as they're working on it... And as long as they _really_ won't forget...?"_

"I promise." Kinch sighed. "We're not forgetting the Papa Bear Awards. The guys will be standing in line to have me transmit their nominations next week - I promise. It's always like that - last minute decisions. They want to use every moment available to make sure they choose the most deserving stories."

_"Ah. Alright."_ A sigh. _"But do give everyone a reminder, will you? We can't run a decent PBA with only four sets of nominations." _

"I will. Tomorrow. But don't worry. Everyone is mighty eager to make sure that their personal favourites get in. Can't rely on others to nominate your favourites, can we."

_"Indeed, we cannot. I will personally see to it that my favourites will be included. So you better see to yours!"_

"Right. Anything else, Colon... Group Captain?"

_"No, that's all. May I wish you pleasant dreams then?"_

"Likewise," Kinch muttered. "Over and out."


	9. Fireworks

It was full. It was cramped, but sociable. Men from all barracks mingled and mixed as they waited their turn for the radio room, discussing their choices. And some perhaps even making last minute changes on their lists.

And in that radioroom sat Kinch, the operator, and transmitted one set of nominations after the other. "And that is quote number three. And that completes the nominations of Sergeant John Walters."

Walters nodded his thanks, and moved towards the ladder.

"Next!" Newkirk called. But he needn't have bothered - McPherson was already there.

"Here are my nominations." He handed Kinch a scrap of paper, and the Sergeant peered at the scribbly writing by his not so good light.

"Let's see..." He picked up the mike. "Right, Goldilocks, stand by for the next set of nominations. From Sgt. Jock McPherson. Best story of 2013..."

Suddenly a fountain of sparks erupted from the equipment, and Kinch tore off the headset and backed away.

"What's that?" McPherson cowered against the wall.

"Kinch?" Newkirk came running, with Carter on his heels, just as a bright pink flame shot up to the tunnel ceiling.

"Wow! That's some fireworks display!" Carter gasped in awe. "How did you do that?"

"Kinch?" Newkirk pulled McPherson out of the way to get to his mate.

"I'm okay, Newkirk," they heard Kinch's ragged voice through the bellowing smoke. "I am, but the radio isn't. It must have overheated with so many people wanting to send in the nominations."

"What?!"

"But I haven't sent in mine yet!" Carter protested.

"Well, you won't be sending them in over this radio." Kinch appeared out of the smoke curtain. "I bet I'll have to rebuild the radio from scratch. So unless you find another means to let Crittendon know what you want to nominate, I'm afraid it's all out."

"Gee..." Carter put his hands in his pockets. "Well, we better start thinking then. Do you have any idea how many men haven't sent in their nominations yet?"

"Lots," was Kinch's wry reaction. "Actually, Crittendon mentioned that the nominations were finally picking up, but they could really do with some more input. Especially to determine which stories will compete in the Best of 2013 category."

"Well, then we'll have to rig up some other way to communicate with London. Anyone have a helicopter handy?"

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Yes, my HH friends. Nominations are finally trickling in this week, but we could indeed *really* do with some more input. So if you can spare half an hour today or tomorrow to sit down, check the PBA website and decide on your nominations, we'd be very happy!_

_For remember:_ **the deadline is Friday (tomorrow!) night, 23.59.59 Hawaii time!** _So you've got less than two days left to decide! Make sure your favourites get in!_


	10. A Little Teaser

_._

_Author's note: _

_A little teaser to keep up the tension while waiting for the results! _

_Sometimes, a real story can emerge from random lines. In this case, that happened with the 13 nominated teasers. Enjoy! _

_._

* * *

><p><em>.<em>

Once upon a time, a group of Heroes unknowingly saved the planet Earth from an alien invasion...

This was one mission that had really gone to the dogs...

They keep trying to escape no matter the outcome, because it's better than the alternative.

It was in that moment that I swore an oath. An oath that I would have sworn on a Bible wrapped in an American flag if one had been available. I swore to my country and to my God that I would escape Stalag Thirteen and report the treason of Colonel Robert E. Hogan or my name was not Samuel Flagg.

What's a guy supposed to do, when duty calls and nobody else can answer?

He has his identity papers, a rail pass and a packet of cheese sandwiches. What could go wrong?

Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter how long ago it was.

Marya always had a few surprises up her sleeve for Colonel Hogan...

Something is driving him crazy. Something he can't tell us about.

When you are forced to listen in silence, you might just learn to listen well. And sometimes you find out things you never knew.

If you need to keep your neighbourhood Gestapo man from finding out what's _really_ going on, there's one sure way: throw a party, and don't invite him...

Don't look now, but something is watching you...

"interesting" [ˈɪntrəstɪŋ]: adj. 1. Capable of holding one's attention. 2. Evoking a feeling of interest. 3. Oh God, we're all going to die.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_And keep an eye out - nominations are likely to be published later today!_


	11. A Dreadful Mix-up

"Perhaps we could use smoke signals," Carter suggested.

"There is too much wind," LeBeau pointed out.

But Carter was not to be discouraged. "Or a rocket? That new baby rocket we stole from the Germans last month is still lying around in the tunnels. If we write down our nominations and put them inside..."

"Forget it." Hogan picked up his coffee and drained the mug in one go.

Protests broke out among the other residents of Barracks 2.

"Cool it!" Hogan shouted. "I'm thinking. I didn't say we're going to have to forego on nominating; I just said we're not going shoot our nominations to London in a rocket."

Everybody watched him in silence as he paced the length of the barracks and back. And snapped his fingers.

"Yes?" Carter asked wide-eyed.

Hogan gave Kinch a grin. "If our radio is out, where can we find another one in this camp?"

"You mean..."

"Bloody charming!" Newkirk butted his cigarette. "Surely you don't mean to steal Klink's radio and use that?"

"Of course not. The Kommandant will be happy to let us use his radio." And with that, Hogan straightened his cap and walked out the door.

* * *

><p>"Kommandant?" As usual, Hogan barged into the office without knocking.<p>

And Klink, who had gotten used to it over the years, didn't even look up from his paperwork. "Yes, Hogan, what is it."

"Permission to use your radio, sir?"

"Denied."

"Aw, come on, sir! We're not going to break it or anything."

"Of course not." Only now did Klink look up. "Because you're not going to get it. Prisoners are not allowed to use the radio. I am sure not even the Geneva Convention would require that."

"Perhaps not, but... Oh well. There goes your chance at fame." With a dejected mien, Hogan began to leave the office. Only to be called right back – as he expected.

"Hogan! What do you mean – my chance at fame?"

Hogan looked back. "Why should I bother telling you? You're not interested in our little games."

"Oh yes, I am! Tell me, Hogan – what game is it that would make me famous?"

"The Papa Bear Awards of course! Do you know how many stories there are about you? Great stories, showing the tough but fair Kommandant as a hero?"

Klink dropped his jaw. "There are?"

"Of course! Someone like you could inspire even the most dismal writer into literary bliss." He shrugged. "Oh well. If we can't use your radio, it's all for naught anyway. Then we can't send in our nominations."

"Oh, but Hogan...!"

"Yes?"

"For such a worthy cause, I'm sure I could make a little... exception?" Klink waggled his head. "I'm sure General Burkhalter wouldn't mind."

"Especially if he never finds out," Hogan grinned.

"Yes. Exactly. So... for how long would you need to use the radio?"

Hogan looked at his watch, visibly made some calculations in his head and... "Until midnight, I'd say."

Klink raised his eyebrows, nearly losing his monocle. "So long? What do you have to transmit?"

"Well, there's hundreds of POW's who want to send in their nominations. And in the category for Best Story of the Year, it's the _number_ of nominations that'll determine whether or not a story qualifies to participate. So the more people send in their nominations..."

"Yes, of course. Well then." Klink rubbed his hands. "You go and get your men, and I'll bring the radio into Fräulein Hilda's office. She's gone home already; she won't mind. But...!" He raised a finger. "Schultz will be guarding every word you say on that radio. We cannot allow you to use it for any clandestine messages to the Allies. Understood?"

"Understood, Kommandant." Hogan saluted. "You really are the best, you know."

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later found Kinch at the Kommandant's radio in Hilda's office. Schultz sat next to him, and had already fallen asleep after a long night shift.<p>

Outside stood a long line of POW's, talking and chatting and trying to keep warm in the perpetual winter of Hamelburg. And strutting back and forth along the line was Kommandant Klink, exhorting the men to nominate stories featuring him. "If you don't, you're not allowed into the office!" he threatened. "And Schultz is there. He'll hear every word you transmit. So you can't fool me!"

* * *

><p>"Schultz. Schultz?" Kinch carefully prodded the big Sergeant until he blearily opened his eyes.<p>

"What's for breakfast?"

Kinch grinned. "Nothing yet. But we're through with all the transmissions for the Papa Bear Awards. Perhaps you should escort me back to the barracks – before the other guards shoot me for being outside after roll call."

Schultz moaned. "Don't make me exercise before breakfast. It's bad for my indigestion."

"Sorry, Schultz." Kinch got up.

But at that moment, the radio came to life again. "Goldilocks calling Papa Bear. Come in, Papa Bear."

Kinch grabbed the mike. "Go ahead, Goldilocks." He refused to look at Schultz who mouthed, "_You_ are Papa Bear?"

"Hello Goldilocks. I just want to acknowledge the receipt of your transmission tonight. Our boys in the cryptogram department have put it through the codebreaking machine, and we want to confirm that the urgent bombing run on Stalag 13 tonight will go ahead as requested."

"What?!"

Even Schultz sat up in alarm. "What what what what what... What bombing run?"

"Goldilocks, we did not – repeat: NOT – request a bombing run. All we transmitted were our nominations for the Papa Bear Awards. And they were NOT in code!"

"Oh! Ha ha. Jolly good show, Papa Bear. I suppose you have Jerry listening in with you, have you? Well, don't worry. We understood your message anyway. Bombing run confirmed – tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. Or is that p.m.? I always forget..."

"Goldilocks!" Kinch cried. "We did NOT request a bombing run! Please cancel it immediately!"

"Sorry, chaps – can't be done. The plane is already under way. It's a long flight to Hammelburg, you know. And the pilot is nightblind. He needs to bomb by daylight."

Kinch could have strangled the man – if he had been within reach of his hands. "Goldilocks, I repeat – call off the bombing run. We don't need to be bombed."

Schultz pulled the microphone out of his hand. "No, we _really_ don't want to be bombed. Please, Goldilocks! Be a nice little girl and go and play with the three bears!"

Shocked silence on the other end. "I say..." Crittendon's voice came at last over the radio. "Was that Jerry speaking to me?"

"No, it was Hans. Sergeant Hans Schultz. Serial number 824..."

Kinch took back the mike. "Never mind that now, Goldilocks. Are you going to call off the bombing run, or do we have to evacuate?"

"Evacuate? Why on earth would you want to evacuate?"

Kinch rolled his eyes. "Because – you just told us that you've sent a bomber to bomb us out."

"I did? Oh my... Well, nothing that can be done about that now. Just keep calm and carry on, chaps! Goldilocks, over and out."

Schultz looked up to Kinch with big, frightened eyes. "Sergeant Kinchloe, what is going to happen?"

Kinch straightened up. "We better prepare for the worst, Schultz..."

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, over at Headquarters in London...<em>

"Group Captain, here is a file for you from the cryptogram department." The beautiful lieutenant handed him a folder, together with a nice cup of tea, and Crittendon felt his heart melt.

"Thank you, my dear. That's extremely kind of you." He put down the file and stared after the luscious curves as they moved away, back up the stairs. Yep – there were definitely perks to being stationed in London compared to a German prison camp!

Another Group Captain came running in in a rather agitated manner. "Has anyone seen my folder? The cryptos said they sent it back to me an hour ago, but I haven't received anything!" He bustled about, lifting up papers and folders, opening drawers and looking into cupboards – and bumping Crittendon's arm. "Oh, I'm ever so sorry."

"Oh, never mind." Crittendon shook out the folder he had had on his lap. Tea was dripping from it.

The other Group Captain's eyes went wide. "But... that's my folder!"

"Oh, you're quite mistaken, my friend. I just received this folder from..."

The Group Captain didn't wait for an explanation – he pulled the dripping folder out of Crittendon's hands. "Yes. See – Group Captain Romney Crittendon, RAF. How could anyone ever have thought that it was yours?"

He walked off with it, leaving our Crittendon at a loss for words – which was quite a feat – and returned to his own office.

"Now, finally," Romney Crittendon sighed. "The info I need to instruct my bomber group." He opened the file, brushed away some tea drops and... frowned. This didn't look anything like the codes he had been given so far. Was there a new code out perhaps? He grabbed the telephone and asked to be connected with Captain Dingle at Supply.

"I'm sorry, sir," the posh operator said. "Captain Dingle is away on a top secret assignment concerning the development of the gonculator. He will not be back until next week."

"Alright. Thank you." Romney put down the phone and stared at the gibberish in his file. Well, perhaps his pilots had been given the new codebook, and they had just forgotten to give one to him as well? With all the hustle and bustle in the bombing raids these past days, that was entirely understandable. Well, then he better pass on this info to his pilots right away.

He looked through the pages. It was quite some info. But it was an excellent code – he could make heads nor tails from it.

.

.

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>Snapshots<span>

.

**Amnesia?  
><strong>by codenamepapabear

**Chant de Guerre**  
>by Shield-HR<p>

**Day of Days**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Desire**  
>by 80sarcades<p>

**Fractured, but Unbroken**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**Home**  
>by Partly<p>

**In Paradisum**  
>by jodm<p>

**Insidious**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**Night Light**  
>by Tarlonniel<p>

**Taking the Shot**  
>by 80sarcades<p>

**Time Ticks Ever Onward**  
>by So-Sings-Nightingales<p>

**Veiled**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the drama stories!<p> 


	12. Drama All Around

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>Long Drama<span>

.

**A Private War  
><strong>by SimoneSez

**Surly Bonds**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

**The Power of the Sun**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

**Trust**  
>by Silent Number<p>

.

* * *

><p><span>Short Drama<span>

.

**Can You Hear Me?  
><strong>by Allied Hero

**Endings**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**Evil on the Homefront**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

**Fanning Fumes**  
>by Fortune Maiden<p>

**Scars**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

**Spies**  
>by Partly<p>

**The Missing Speech**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the comedies!<p> 


	13. Comic Relief

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>Long Comedies<span>

.

**Dangerous Keepsakes  
><strong>by Dust on the Wind

**From Russia, with Love  
><strong>(chapters 1, 8-13 and 27-30)  
>by Papa Bear Awards<p>

**Party Games**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

**The POW Who Cried Werwolf**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

**The Substitute Spy**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

**The Talking Cure**  
>by whirlyite<p>

.

* * *

><p><span>Short Comedies<span>

.

**A Davis Diversion**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**A Grand Tradition**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**A Night at the Hofbräu**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**All Stations to Ramsgate**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

**Andrew Carter's Excellent Adventure**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

**Carter Casanova**  
>by SamRosinenbomber<p>

**Horsing Around**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

**Private Kizhe**  
>by Fortune Maiden<p>

**The Battle of Barracks Two**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**The Coffeepot**  
>by codenamepapabear<p>

**The Little Ones Do Bite!**  
>by konarciq<p>

**Tiny Enemies**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the general stories!<p> 


	14. General Trouble

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>Long General Stories<span>

.

**For You, the War Is Over**  
>by Hildegaarde<p>

**Giving Thanks**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

**Out of the Frying Pan**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**The New Man**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**With a Song in my Heart**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

* * *

><p><span>Short General Stories<span>

.

**Another Year Closer**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**Buddies**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Dolls**  
>by codenamepapabear<p>

**How the Kommandant (Almost) Stole Christmas**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Mugir ces Féroces Soldats**  
>by Shield-HR<p>

**The Bäckerstraße Irregulars**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**The Chess Set**  
>by Jinzle<p>

**The Klingenhofer Adventure**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**The Last Secret**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Visionary**  
>by Tarlonniel<p>

**We're All Stories in the End**  
>by Crystal Rose of Pollux<p>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the stories based on a challenge or on an episode!<p> 


	15. A Challenging Episode

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>Stories Based on a Challenge<span>

.

**All Stations to Ramsgate**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

**Andrew Carter's Excellent Adventure**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

**Bilko!**  
>by jodm<p>

**Buddies**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Doors Are Meant for Opening**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

**Endings**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**Evil on the Homefront**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

**Saturday Night Memories**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**Schwarzwald**  
>by Floating Pizza<p>

**The Battle of Barracks Two**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**The Box**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**We're All Stories in the End**  
>by Crystal Rose of Pollux<p>

**Why Frankenmuth?**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

* * *

><p><span>Stories Based on an Episode<span>

.

**A Grand Tradition**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**Day of Days**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Fritz Knows**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Message Home – The Big Record**  
>by dreamerinfic<p>

**The New Man**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**The Poor Loser**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**The Talking Cure**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**They Also Serve**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**Veiled**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the unique stories and the poetry department!<p> 


	16. Poetic Uniqueness

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>The Most Unique Stories<span>

.

**Alien Nightmare**  
>by 80sarcades<p>

**Chant de Guerre**  
>by Shield-HR<p>

**For a Handful of Words**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**Horsing Around**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

**Ode to the Kommandant**  
>by konarciq<p>

**Tall Tales**  
>by Fear-of-the-Cold<p>

**The Bäckerstraße Irregulars**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**The Box**  
>by whirlyite<p>

**The Klingenhofer Adventure**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**The Last Coffee**  
>by Ironcrosspanzer<p>

**Under the Night Sky**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**Visionary**  
>by Tarlonniel<p>

**With a Song in my Heart**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

* * *

><p><span>Poems, Filks and Songfics<span>

**Dreaming of a Green Christmas**  
>by konarciq<p>

**It's a Long Way to Limerick**  
>by Hummingbird2<p>

**Ode to the Kommandant**  
>by konarciq<p>

**Papa Bear's Picnic**  
>by Binca<p>

**Underneath the Lamp Post**  
>by konarciq<p>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the crossover and slash stories!<p> 


	17. Cross the Slash or Slash the Cross

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>Crossovers<span>

.

**A Time to Heal**  
>by jodm<p>

**Bilko!**  
>by jodm<p>

**Elementary, My Dear Williams**  
>by jodm<p>

**For Auld Lang Syne**  
>by Belphegor<p>

**Job Offer**  
>by Susan M. M.<p>

**Negotiation**  
>by codenamepapabear<p>

**The Stalag 13 Raid**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

**The Treason of Colonel Robert E. Hogan**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

.

* * *

><p><span>Slash<span>

.

**Bodice Ripper  
><strong>by YamiTami

**Curiosity**  
>by Frankie Alton<p>

**Snowball**  
>by YamiTami<p>

**Stuck**  
>by generalsleepy<p>

**The Night Train to Paris**  
>by Seiberwing<p>

**Top Hat, White Tie and Bomb Sights**  
>by SeenaC<p>

**Unspoken Desire**  
>by 80sarcades<p>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the character portrayals!<p> 


	18. Canons Thunder over Dover

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>The Best Portrayal of Canon Characters<span>

.

**Carter** in _A Night at the Hofbräu_ (by Sgt. Moffitt)

**Carter** in _Andrew Carter's Excellent Adventure_ (by Snooky-9093)

**Carter** in _The New Man_ (by Sgt. Moffitt)

**Carter** in _Visionary_ (by Tarlonniel)

**Hochstetter** in _Taking the Shot_ (by 80sarcades)

**Hogan** in _Horsing Around_ (by Snooky-9093)

**Hogan** in _Surly Bonds_ (by Goldleaf83)

**Kinch** in _Surly Bonds_ (by Goldleaf83)

**Klink** in _The Chess Set_ (by Jinzle)

**Newkirk** in _Doors Are Meant for Opening_ (by Dust on the Wind)

**Newkirk** in _The Battle of Barracks_ _Two_ (by Belphegor)

**Newkirk** in _The Talking Cure_ (by whirlyite)

.

* * *

><p>And on to the canon extras!<p> 


	19. Get Me Some Extra Canons!

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>The Best Portrayal of Canon Extras<span>

.

**Addison** in _The Substitute Spy_ (by Dust on the Wind)

**Barnes** in _Giving Thanks_ (by Goldleaf83)

**Captain Gruber **in _Fritz Knows_ (by Sgt. Moffitt)

**Crittendon **in _All Stations to Ramsgate_ (by Dust on the Wind)

**Crittendon **in _To Dream_ (by Sgt. Moffitt)

****Dubois** **in _All Stations to Ramsgate_ (by Dust on the Wind)

**General Biedenbender **in _A Private War_ (by SimoneSez)

**Hilda** in _Private Kizhe_ (by Fortune Maiden)

**Marya** in _The Last Secret_ (by Sgt. Moffitt)

**Mills** in _Trust_ (by Silent Number)

**Samuel Flagg **in _The Treason of Colonel Robert E. Hogan_ (by Book'em Again)**

**Wilson** in _The Talking Cure_ (by whirlyite)

.

* * *

><p>And on to the original characters!<p>

.

_**Yes, Samuel Flagg is a M*A*S*H character and has never appeared in Hogan's Heroes._  
><em>However, we got an inquiry from one of the nominators who thought his portrayal in the story was extremely well done, and she wanted to know where she could nominate him, since he didn't seem to fit in any of the character categories.<em>  
><em>After a long discussion, the PBA committee in the end agreed that the fact that Flagg was an <strong>already existing character<strong> was more important than the fact that he never appeared in HH. The reasoning: the author was challenged to portray Flagg as close to his M*A*S*H character as possible; she was not challenged in having to make up a completely new character._


	20. Highly Original

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>The Best Portrayal of Original Characters<span>

.

**Bill Keegan **in _Buddies_ (by Sgt. Moffitt)

**Blümchen the dog **in _With a Song in my Heart_ (by Snooky-9093)

**Geisler **in _Dangerous Keepsakes_ (by Dust on the Wind)

**John Hogan **in _The Power of the Sun_ (by Goldleaf83)

**Lt. Fritz Richter **in _Out of the Frying Pan_ (by Belphegor)

**Lt. Keilwasser **in _Schwarzwald_ (by Floating Pizza)

**Ted Hogan **in _Surly Bonds_ (by Goldleaf83)

**Watkins** in _The Battle of Barracks Two_ (by Belphegor)

.

* * *

><p>And on to the teasers!<p> 


	21. Tickling and Teasing

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>The Most Tickling Teasers<span>

.

**Once upon a time, a group of Heroes unknowingly saved the planet Earth from an alien invasion...**  
><em>Story: Alien Nightmare<br>Author: 80sarcades_

_._

**This was one mission that had really gone to the dogs...**  
><em>Story: The Klingenhofer Adventure<br>Author: Sgt. Moffitt_

_._

**They keep trying to escape no matter the outcome, because it's better than the alternative.**  
><em>Story: Fractured, but Unbroken<br>Author: Belphegor_

_._

**It was in that moment that I swore an oath.  
>An oath that I would have sworn on a Bible wrapped in an American flag if one had been available.<br>I swore to my country and to my God that I would escape Stalag Thirteen  
>and report the treason of Colonel Robert E. Hogan or my name was not Samuel Flagg.<br>**_Story: The Treason of Colonel Robert E. Hogan  
>Author: Book'em Again<em>

_._

**What's a guy supposed to do, when duty calls and nobody else can answer?**  
><em>Story: The Substitute Spy<br>Author: Dust on the Wind_

_._

**He has his identity papers, a rail pass and a packet of cheese sandwiches. What could go wrong?**  
><em>Story: All Stations to Ramsgate<br>Author: Dust on the Wind_

_._

**Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter how long ago it was.**  
><em>Story: The Chess Set<br>Author: Jinzle_

_._

**Marya always had a few surprises up her sleeve for Colonel Hogan...**  
><em>Story: The Last Secret<br>Author: Sgt. Moffitt_

_._

**Something is driving him crazy. Something he can't tell us about.**  
><em>Story: The Power of the Sun<br>Author: Goldleaf83_

_._

**When you are forced to listen in silence, you might just learn to listen well.  
>And sometimes you find out things you never knew.<strong>  
><em>Story: The Talking Cure<br>Author: whirlyite_

_._

**If you need to keep your neighbourhood Gestapo man from finding out what's **_**really**_** going on,  
>there's one sure way: throw a party, and don't invite him...<br>**_Story: Party Games  
>Author: Dust on the Wind<em>

_._

**Don't look now, but something is watching you...**  
><em>Story: Tiny Enemies<br>Author: Dust on the Wind_

_._

**"interesting" [ˈɪntrəstɪŋ]: adj. 1. Capable of holding one's attention. 2. Evoking a feeling of interest. 3. Oh God, we're all going to die.  
><strong>_Story: Out of the Frying Pan  
>Author: Belphegor<em>

.

* * *

><p>And on to the quotes!<p> 


	22. A Quote from the Master Himself

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p><span>The Quotes<span>

_And you may vote for as many as you want!_

_Note: the numbers listed are purely to make it easier for you. They have no real value at all._

_If you want to know where the quotes come from, you'll have to visit the PBA website – up soon!_

* * *

><p>.<p>

1

A couple of snips later he heard the word that no man in a barber's chair ever wished to hear.  
>"Oops!"<p>

.

2

As every Frenchman learns in his cradle,  
>lying to the English is not a sin.<p>

.

3

"Begging your pardon, sirs, but when you've finished composing your essays for _House and Garden_,  
>perhaps you might like to get on with escaping from Germany."<p>

.

4

"By jove man, I think you've got the hang of it."  
>"Yes, like you have the hang of escaping."<p>

.

5

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're nuts?"  
>"All the time."<p>

.

6

For all he knew, the guy might never turn up.  
>He could end up hanging round here all afternoon,<br>and any minute the squirrel could come back with reinforcements.

.

7

For once, Hogan looked completely dumbfounded.  
>It was so unusual that, for a second, Kinch seriously considered snapping a picture to immortalise the moment.<br>Which, Hogan being Hogan, naturally didn't last.

.

8

"Gentlemen, allow me to present Corporal Newkirk, one of my best men…  
>and my best little old woman."<p>

.

9

"Has it exploded yet?"

.

10

"He could spend all bleedin' night adding two and two together,  
>and still end up wondering if the right answer's five."<p>

.

11

His pain was a pain beyond tears, beyond grief.  
>It was the pain of an entire people who had lived through centuries of slavery and oppression.<br>It was the pain of a young boy who had been forced to learn that the world hated him  
>not because of anything he did but because his skin was dark.<p>

.

12

"Hogan, the Gestapo may be animals,  
>but calling them werewolves is a little much."<p>

.

13

"How would you guys like to finish the war by running a prison camp?"

.

14

"If I have to play one more game of chess that I pretend to lose, pay one more inane compliment,  
>or sit at another boring dinner so he can show off his prized prisoner… I'll,<br>I'll… I'd rather be outside the wire where I could be caught.  
>No, I'd rather be outside the wire on an espionage mission with that White Russian woman!"<br>"Sir, I think you need a vacation."

.

15

"If you have just one bullet in your gun and the chance to kill both Churchill and Roosevelt with the same shot,  
>save that bullet to use on Hogan!<br>He is the single most dangerous man the Allies have!  
>They can go out and get another President, another Prime Minister,<br>there's always another one of those waiting in the wings, they're a pfenning a dozen,  
>but there is no other Hogan!"<p>

.

16

If you value your life and your sanity, never antagonise the cook.

.

17

I love the man, but he really needs to stop involving my paperwork in his ploys.

.

18

In the four days since he'd first met this imbécileof an RAF officer, he'd learned how pointless it was to argue;  
>the only results were a nagging headache<br>and a vague suspicion that the edge of disaster lay only a few centimetres away.

.

19

"In which case we send in Newkirk. Subtle hints like _get lost_ don't work on him."

.

20

Klink inflated like an indignant, monocled tree frog.

.

21

"Mon Colonel, perhaps you should listen to Wolfgang before you act."  
>"Listen to him? He's a dog!"<br>A bit miffed, Fritzi turned his head to look at his leader. "Permission to bite the human, sir."

.

22

"Now you boys know that I have always tried to do my best for both sides,  
>and even though Colonel Klink can be most unpleasant I do not want to see any harm come to him."<br>"Who is going to harm him? Is Captain Gruber going to poison his sauerkraut?"

.

23

"Oh, I find the Gestapo very interesting, sir.  
>Especially that guy in charge, what's his name... Hummer. Hem-something..."<p>

.

24

"One of the SS guys told everyone to stay. That they would definitely get to the glorious tribute to the Fatherland  
>even if they had to shoot the projectionist; and besides, there were no refunds."<br>"Let me guess: someone shot the projectionist."

.

25

"Schultz, there's no point in deluding ourselves. We are going into a very dangerous situation. Our lives will be at risk."  
>"Oh, I don't think so, Herr Kommandant. LeBeau is a very good cook."<p>

.

26

"That is... that is..."  
>"It's a hand grenade, dear."<p>

.

27

The first time Colonel Hogan said, "You know what, Newkirk? That is an excellent idea" without any trace of irony,  
>and proceeded to explain how they would set about it, Newkirk couldn't quite believe it.<br>In his experience, the average officer would never lower himself to listening to an NCO's remark, let alone approve and use it.  
>Officers were the stuck-up lot who remained safely at the back of the battle, directing troops as if conducting an orchestra<br>and having stiff upper lip competitions when it was time to look at the casualty lists.

.

28

The idea seemed foolproof from the outside.  
>It was nearly completely self-contained,<br>and Hogan had full faith in Newkirk's ability to make a nuisance of himself.

.

29

These sorts of things tend to creep up on the unprepared,  
>and the prepared are usually looking elsewhere at the time.<p>

.

30

They all thought that Berlin Betty's news was an awful tragedy but Kinch knew better; it was another battle in a long and bloody war.  
>When the war with Germany and Japan was over, his friends could go home and celebrate<br>while he would return to the never-ending war between white and colored.  
>A war that never changed, regardless of what his people did.<p>

.

31

"They sure don't make big shots like they used to."

.

32

"Well... Germany should be congratulated on having men like you to defend her... with their pitchforks, ja?"

.

33

"We're having Bratwurst, with a purée de pommes de terre, accompanied by sauce au jus d'oignon."  
>"Uh, that doesn't sound like something Newkirk would like."<br>"I know. Which is why I'm going to call it bangers and mash, with onion gravy."

.

34

"What do you think he wants at this time of night?"  
>"It might be a social call. Even the Gestapo get lonely sometimes."<br>"Well, if he's lonely, why doesn't he get a girlfriend, like any… oh, right, it's Hochstetter. Maybe he should get a dog."

.

35

"What if they blow up this office – or my quarters?"  
>"Then perhaps we should give them a medal, before we shoot them."<p>

.

36

"When there's a war on, every woman is beautiful."  
>"That's deep, LeBeau. And kind of disturbing."<p>

.

37

"Wow, four against what, about fifty?  
>Not surprised the Gestapo wasn't up to the job."<p>

.

38

"You know, running a prisoner of war camp is very hard work. No wonder Klink went bald."  
>"Don't worry, sir, you have plenty of hair. It'll last until the Allies arrive."<p>

.

39

"Your reputation, such as it is, will be perfectly safe, Kommandant."  
>As always, Hochstetter pronounced the title as if he wanted to grind each syllable into dust.<p>

.

* * *

><p>And now – finally – on to the most prestigious category of all: the best story of 2013...<br>A category where fierce competition reigned among the nominated stories in order to qualify.  
>Nine stories finally made it...<p>

Go check them out!


	23. The Very Very Best

**.**

**THE NOMINATED WORKS**

* * *

><p>And the best for last: the stories that were nominated AND qualified<br>to compete for the ultimate honour of

.

**BEST STORY OF 2013!**

.

**A Private War**  
>by SimoneSez<p>

.

**Dangerous Keepsakes**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

**For You, the War Is Over**  
>by Hildegaarde<p>

.

**Party Games**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

**Surly Bonds**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

.

**The Battle of Barracks Two**  
>by Belphegor<p>

.

**The Last Secret**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

**They Also Serve**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

**Visionary**  
>by Tarlonniel<p>

.

* * *

><p>Four more stories were nominated for best story of 2013, and all of them unfortunately remained only 1 secondary nomination short by other nominators to make it to the voting round. Their authors however will be informed – because whether your story in the end qualified or not, it's still an honour to be <em>nominated<em> for best story of 2013, isn't it?  
>At least all these four stories were nominated elsewhere, too, so their fans can still vote for them!<p>

Read on to learn about this year's voting - with 3 votes in each category!

* * *

><p>.<p>

But first a solid round of applause for mmwaveprincess,  
>who did a great job on the double checking!<p>

**Thank you for a terrific job, mmwaveprincess!**

.

And also a major applause already for the members of the PBA committee:  
><strong>Book'em Again, jodm, Sgt. Moffitt and Snooky-9093<strong>  
>They've been working overtime this year<br>and their job isn't finished yet!


	24. Vote for the Winners!

.

And then it's time for voting!

.

Remember, this year you have **3 votes** in every category!

* * *

><p><em>How does it work to have 3 votes in each category?<br>An example with non-existent stories:_

_._

_Nominated:_

_Hogan's Dog_

_Carter's Rabbit_

_Klink's Mouse_

_Schultz's Cow_

_Newkirk's Monkey_

_Kinch's Gopher_

_LeBeau's Cat_

_._

_Voter A just loves all these stories, but having to choose three, he gives 1 vote to __Carter's Rabbit__, 1 vote to __Kinch's Gopher__, and 1 vote to __Klink's Mouse__._

_Voter B is very particular that __Hogan's Dog__ is the best story. So he decides to give __Hogan's Dog__ his vote, and doesn't use his other 2 votes._

_Voter C thinks __Newkirk's Monkey__ and __Schultz's Cow__ are by far the best - the rest are definitely of less quality. So he gives 1 vote to __Newkirk's Monkey__, and 1 vote to __Schultz's Cow__, and doesn't use his last vote._

* * *

><p>.<p>

And in the quote category, you may vote for as many as you want – no limits!  
>In case that makes things complicated when listing them:<br>as you might have noticed, the quotes have been given a number.  
>That should make it easier to list your favourites.<p>

* * *

><p>.<p>

Also available on the PBA website are direct links to all the nominated works.  
>That should save you some searching on ffnet and elsewhere.<p>

Address of the PBA website:  
><strong>www dot konarciq dot net  fanfiction / PapaBearAwards / index. html**  
>(take out the spaces and translate to internet speak)<p>

* * *

><p>.<p>

And the good news:  
>in this round you are allowed to vote for your own work -<br>provided you _really_ think it is the best...!

* * *

><p>.<p>

Your votes can be sent by email to **papabearawards at yahoo dot com**  
>or to Papa Bear Awards by ffnet PM.<br>Make sure you include your name and ffnet ID (if you have one)!

Also available: a comprehensive PBA survey!  
>See next chapter for instructions.<p>

.

**Closing date: Friday, April 4****th****  
>at 23.59:59 Hawaii Time!<strong>  
>.<p>

The voting is open for everyone who enjoys Hogan's Heroes fanfiction.

.

Every voter will receive a confirmation of the registration of his/her votes within about a week.

And remember: you're only allowed 1 set of votes!  
>If you've voted in the survey, don't send in your votes by email or PM as well – and vice versa!<p>

* * *

><p>.<p>

Winners in all categories will be announced after the votes are tabulated.  
>A Gold, Silver and Bronze award will be awarded for each category – if applicable.<p>

.

So read, enjoy and **vote**!

.

* * *

><p>Remember:<p>

**Closing date is Friday, April 4th, 2014**


	25. Crittendon Takes a Survey

.

Also available: a comprehensive PBA survey!  
>We found a new homesite for it, accessible for everyone – without having to become a member or anything.<p>

* * *

><p>Web address:<p>

**bit. ly / MIAAVb  
><strong>(take out the spaces)

* * *

><p>.<p>

So how does it work?

The survey starts with some basic identification info. It's the same stuff we ask you to include when you vote via email or PM:  
>name, ffnet ID and email address.<br>Only the two voting tabulators (konarciq and Fortune Maiden) will have access to this information – no one else can see your answers in the survey. It's just as private as sending your votes by email to the papabearawards address.

Then the survey continues with the different categories – one page with a multiple choice question for each category.  
>Only the quotes are spread out over several pages – there were too many to fit on one page!<br>The survey pretty much follows the order of the voting template, with one exception:  
>The Best Story of 2013 is located further down the survey – as the last story to be voted for.<p>

You can navigate back and forth through the questions as much as you want, but...  
><strong>Once you click 'submit' at the end, you can't change your votes anymore!<strong>  
>So make sure you've made up your mind about your choices <em>before<em> starting on the survey!

In each category you may cast 3 votes. Or 1, or 2, or none at all, as explained in the previous chapter.  
>It is no problem to skip a question in the survey.<br>Just click on 'next', and you'll go on to the next category.  
>Only the identification questions *must* be answered before you can continue.<p>

As mentioned, the quotes are spread out over several pages.  
>This need not be a problem, since in this category you can vote for as many as you want. Even if you want to vote for them all – that's okay!<br>The last few quotes however were a bit of a problem: they were so long that the survey website did not allow them as options in a multiple choice question.  
>Therefore, these few quotes have one page each at the end.<br>For you the question: do you want to vote for this quote?  
>And you just click on *yes* or *no*.<p>

The final page asks you if you're really sure you don't want to change anything anymore,  
>and if you are, you click on 'submit' – and that's it: you've voted!<p> 


	26. The Easy Way

_._

_An easy template for voting.  
>If you like, you can simply copy this into an email or a Word document, complete it,<br>and send it to **papabearawards at yahoo dot com**!_  
><em>It can also be found on the PBA website – where there is no no-copy script!<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Name:<strong>

**FFnet ID: **

**Email address:**

.

**MY VOTES FOR THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS:**

**Best story of 2013:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best snapshot:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best short drama:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best long drama:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best short comedy:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best long comedy:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best short general story:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best long general story:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best story based on a challenge:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best story based on a TV episode:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Most unique story:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best poem, filk or songfic:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best crossover story:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best slash story:**

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

Title:  
>Author:<p>

**Best portrayal of a canon character:**

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

**Best portrayal of a canon extra:**

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

**Best portrayal of an original character:**

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

Character:  
>Story:<br>Author:

**Best teaser:**

Teaser:  
>Story:<p>

Teaser:  
>Story:<p>

Teaser:  
>Story:<p>

**Best quote:**

_You may vote for as many as you want – so feel free to add more if necessary! If you want to do it the easy way, you can simply vote with the numbers listed with the quotes in chapter 21, and on the PBA website. _:-)

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

* * *

><p><strong>Closing date for sending in your votes: <strong>

_**April 4th, 2014**_


	27. The Bombing Raid

The night had passed in a feverish frenzy. Trenches were being dug all along the wire, with the guards and the prisoners working together in the sweeping beams of the searchlights.

To be honest, Hogan had tried to get the Kommandant to let the prisoners go to town and be locked in the church or something in order to evade the bombing raid on Stalag 13.

But Klink had refused. He was not to be persuaded. His motto, he said, was that _no one ever escaped from Stalag 13_. If he were to take the prisoners to town, there was nothing to stop them from escaping from that church - something they could never do when they remained in Stalag 13. So they'd just have to brave the bombing within the fences of their unescapable prison.

The inmates of Stalag 13 were good at digging. Trenches had appeared all along the fence, and Klink kept making rounds, and urging the guards to keep a keen eye on their charges, to prevent any attempt at escaping while digging.

But time was running out. Dawn was approaching over the eastern horizon. And with dawn came the dreaded 6 a.m. bombing promise.

Hogan looked at his watch, and joined the Kommandant in his rounds. "Colonel Klink, it's nearly six o'clock. We need to stop digging and get the men to safety."

Klink took out his pocket watch. "Yes. You are right, Hogan." He turned, and went back to his office. And a moment later, a voice blared from the loudspeaker system.

"Achtung Achtung. Attention attention. All prisoners are to hand in their shovels to the nearest guard. The guards will place these shovels in the nearest hut. Then all prisoners and guards will go in the trenches to await the enemy plane that will bomb us. Achtung Achtung!" He repeated the text in German for the guards, and as well as they had been working together throughout the night, all the less organized the prisoners suddenly became. Shovels disappeared instantly, prisoners were milling here and there and everywhere, and...

"Cut it out!" Hogan called out over the ruckus. "You all want to get killed? Get in those trenches - now!"

That helped. Within a minute or two, not a living soul went around the compound, or lingered between the barracks. Even the dogs had been taken over to a special trench (dogs only), that had been covered with spare wire for the fence, to prevent the deadly animals from getting out.

And their they sat. Counting the minutes till 6 a.m. Would they still be alive at seven? Did the trenches offer sufficient protection from a serious bombing raid?

"I hear something," Carter whispered. "A motor. The motor of a plane." His eyes searched the quickly brightening sky. If that pilot was nightblind, he sure wouldn't have any trouble finding the camp anymore now.

"There!" LeBeau called.

And yes, over the trees to the west of the camp, a low flying aircraft was approaching the camp in a straight line.

"Get down!" Hogan ordered.

Both Germans and Allies obeyed him - even Colonel Klink.

The silence was intense; the sound of the plane ever closer. How much longer till...?

There! A whistling sound - a bomb!

_Pooff! _

A dull thud - a bomb?!

"Is it...?" Carter started.

"I don't know." Hogan was the only one looking out over the rim of their trench now. Something had been dropped into camp. But what was it? Was it a bomb? Then why...?

LeBeau looked up. He had his hands over his ears. "Mon Colonel, has it exploded yet?"

"No." Hogan pushed himself up. "I'm going to take a look."

"Sir, with all due respect," Newkirk began. "I can't let you do this. You..."

"I'm ordering myself to do it, Newkirk." A fleeting smile. "But thanks." Stealthily, the Colonel crept from barracks to barracks. He had no idea where the 'bomb' had fallen, so the best thing to do was to go to the compound first. And as he reached the corner of barracks 2...

Cautiously, he peered around the corner. Yes, there... There it was? But... that was not a bomb!

He looked back up in the sky. No. The plane had turned and disappeared. What the...?

Carefully, he approached the big package in the middle of the compound. It looked like... it _was_... paper.

Paper?!

He took out his secret pocket knife and cut the wires around it. The cover removed and...

Suddenly he burst out laughing.

"Colonel?" There was Newkirk, who obviously had followed him. "What's going on? What are you laughing about? Have you gone barmy in the end?"

"No." Hogan wiped the tears from his eyes. "But I think London has. Here, look at this."

He pushed the paper in Newkirk's hands, and the corporal's jaw dropped. "_This_ was their bomb?"

"Looks like it." Hogan pulled out another. "The Stalag 13 Gazette - announcing the winners of the Papa Bear Awards!"

Newkirk grimaced. "Bloody charming... That's what we've been digging for all night?"

"Looks like it," Hogan repeated. "Come on. Let's go get the others!"

.

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

.

_**Chosen as the Best Story of 2013:**_

.

**SURLY BONDS**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

.

Silver:

**Dangerous Keepsakes**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

Bronze:

**A Private War**  
>by SimoneSez<p>

and

**Party Games**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

* * *

><p>But first a solid round of applause for Fortune Maiden,<br>who did a great job on the double checking,  
>and caught me when I missed an entire ballot! ('<em>Oops<em>' indeed!)

**Thank you for a terrific job, Fortune Maiden!**

.

And also a major applause already for the members of the PBA committee:  
><strong>Book'em Again, jodm, Sgt. Moffitt and Snooky-9093<strong>  
>They really have been working overtime this year!<p>

* * *

><p>.<p>

_And then: Please Turn Over to find the worthy winners in the other categories!_


	28. Page 2

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

_The Winners of the Short Stories!_

_._

The Best Snapshots

.

Gold:

**FRACTURED, BUT UNBROKEN**  
>by Belphegor<p>

.

Silver:

**Desire**  
>by 80sarcades<p>

.

Bronze:

**Insidious**  
>by Belphegor<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Short Dramas

.

Gold:

**EVIL ON THE HOMEFRONT**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

.

Silver:

**Fanning Fumes**  
>by Fortune Maiden<p>

and

**Spies**  
>by Partly<p>

.

Bronze:

**The Missing Speech**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Short Comedies

.

Gold:

**THE LITTLE ONES DO BITE!**  
>by konarciq<p>

.

Silver:

**Horsing Around**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

Bronze:

**All Stations to Ramsgate**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

and

**Andrew Carter's Excellent Adventure**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Short General Stories

.

Gold:

**THE BÄCKERSTRAßE IRREGULARS**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

Silver:

**How the Kommandant (Almost) Stole Christmas**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

and

**The Last Secret**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

Bronze:

**Buddies**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

and

**Visionary**  
>by Tarlonniel<p>

and

**We're All Stories in the End**  
>by Crystal Rose of Pollux<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_PTO for the winning long stories!_


	29. Page 3

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

_The Winners of the Long Stories -  
>three very small categories that had incredibly close competition!<em>

.

The Best Long Drama Stories

.

Gold:

**SURLY BONDS**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

.

Silver:

**Trust**  
>by Silent Number<p>

.

Bronze:

**A Private War**  
>by SimoneSez<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Long Comedies

.

Gold:  
><strong>DANGEROUS KEEPSAKES<strong>  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

Silver:

**Party Games**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

Bronze:

**The POW Who Cried Werwolf**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Long General Stories

.

Gold:

**FOR YOU, THE WAR IS OVER**  
>by Hildegaarde<p>

and

**WITH A SONG IN MY HEART**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

Silver:

**Out of the Frying Pan**  
>by Belphegor<p>

.

Bronze:

**The New Man**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_PTO for stories based on a challenge and on an episode, as well as the most unique stories!_


	30. Page 4

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

_The Winners among the Stories Based on a Challenge,  
>the Stories Based on an Episode<br>and the Most Unique Stories__._

.

The Best Stories Based on a Challenge

.

Gold:

**ALL STATIONS TO RAMSGATE**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

and

**ANDREW CARTER'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

.

Silver:

**Buddies**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

and

**Doors Are Meant for Opening**  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

Bronze:

**Evil on the Homefront**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Stories Based on an Episode

.

Gold:

**THE NEW MAN**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

Silver:  
><strong>The Talking Cure<strong>  
>by whirlyite<p>

and

**Veiled**  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

.

Bronze:

**The Poor Loser**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

and

**They Also Serve**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Most Unique Stories

.

Gold:

**FOR A HANDFUL OF WORDS**  
>by Belphegor<p>

.

Silver:

**Visionary**  
>by Tarlonniel<p>

.

Bronze:

**Alien Nightmare**  
>by 80sarcades<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_PTO for poetry, crossovers and slash stories!_


	31. Page 5

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

_The Winners among the Poetry,  
>the Crossovers and the Slash Stories<em>_._

.

The Best Poems and Songfics

.

Gold:

**DREAMING OF A GREEN CHRISTMAS**  
>by konarciq<p>

.

Silver:

**Ode to the Kommandant**  
>by konarciq<p>

.

Bronze:

**Underneath the Lamp Post**  
>by konarciq<p>

_(I apologize if the outcome looks a little braggy...)_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Crossover Stories

.

Gold:

**THE TREASON OF COLONEL ROBERT E. HOGAN**  
>by Book'em Again<p>

.

Silver:

**For Auld Lang Syne**  
>by Belphegor<p>

and

**The Stalag 13 Raid**  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

Bronze:

**Bilko!**  
>by jodm<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Slash Stories

.

Gold:

**STUCK**  
>by generalsleepy<p>

**THE NIGHT TRAIN TO PARIS**  
>by Seiberwing<p>

**TOP HAT, WHITE TIE AND BOMB SIGHTS**  
>by SeenaC<p>

**UNSPOKEN DESIRE**  
>by 80sarcades<p>

.

Silver:

**Bodice Ripper**  
>by YamiTami<p>

.

Bronze:

**Snowball**  
>by YamiTami<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_PTO to find the winning character portrayals!_


	32. Page 6

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

_The Winning Portrayal of Characters__._

.

The Best Portrayal of a Canon Character

.

Gold:

**HOGAN  
>in Surly Bonds<br>**by Goldleaf83

.

Silver:  
><strong>Carter<br>in Andrew Carter's Excellent Adventure**  
>by Snooky-9093<p>

and

**Newkirk  
>in The Battle of Barracks Two<strong>  
>by Belphegor<p>

.

Bronze:

**Carter  
>in The New Man<strong>  
>by Sgt. Moffitt<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Portrayal of Canon Extras

.

Gold:

**ADDISON  
>in The Substitute Spy<strong>  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

Silver:

**Crittendon  
>in All Stations to Ramsgate<strong>  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

and

**Marya  
>in The Last Secret<br>**by Sgt. Moffitt

.

Bronze:

**Dubois  
>in All Stations to Ramsgate<br>**by Dust on the Wind

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Best Portrayal of an Original Character

.

Gold:

**TED HOGAN  
>in Surly Bonds<strong>  
>by Goldleaf83<p>

.

Silver:

**Geisler  
>in Dangerous Keepsakes<strong>  
>by Dust on the Wind<p>

.

Bronze:

**Watkins  
>in The Battle of Barracks Two<strong>  
>by Belphegor<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

_PTO for the winning teasers and quotes!_


	33. Page 7 and The Quote Problem

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

_The Winning Teasers and Quotes__._

.

The Most Tickling Teasers

.

Gold:

**"interesting" [ˈɪntrəstɪŋ]: adj. 1. Capable of holding one's attention. 2. Evoking a feeling of interest. 3. Oh God, we're all going to die.  
><strong>Story: Out of the Frying Pan  
>Author: Belphegor<p>

_._

Silver:

**If you need to keep your neighbourhood Gestapo man from finding out what's **_**really**_** going on,  
>there's one sure way: throw a party, and don't invite him...<br>**Story: Party Games  
>Author: Dust on the Wind<p>

.

Bronze:

**He has his identity papers, a rail pass and a packet of cheese sandwiches. What could go wrong?**  
>Story: All Stations to Ramsgate<br>Author: Dust on the Wind

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The Winning Quotes

And here we ran into a bit of a problem...  
>6 gold winners, 5 silver and 4 bronze?!<br>That's a bit much, even for the PBA.  
>In fact, it's so much, the winners make for a category all by themselves!<p>

So, the committee has decided to run a little second voting round, on the quotes only.

The quotes below all received enough votes for an award.  
>And for that, they're certainly to be congratulated!<br>But which of these do we *really* think are the very very best?

Please join us in this final little competition,  
>and send your <strong>3 favourites<strong> from among the quotes below  
>in a PM or an email to Papa Bear Awards<br>by next Saturday, the 12th!  
>(23.59.59 Hawaii time deadline, as usual)<p>

* * *

><p>These are the quotes from which we now need to choose the final winners!<br>For a change, they are here presented in inverted alphabetical order  
>to prevent having always the same ones at the top. :-)<p>

.

A  
><strong>"You know, running a prisoner of war camp is very hard work. No wonder Klink went bald."<br>**_**"Don't worry, sir, you have plenty of hair. It'll last until the Allies arrive."**_  
>Story: For You, the War Is Over<br>Author: Hildegaarde

.

B  
><strong>"We're having Bratwurst, with a purée de pommes de terre, accompanied by sauce au jus d'oignon."<br>**_**"Uh, that doesn't sound like something Newkirk would like."**_**  
>"I know. Which is why I'm going to call it bangers and mash, with onion gravy."<br>**Story: Party Games  
>Author: Dust on the Wind<p>

.

C  
><strong>The idea seemed foolproof from the outside.<br>It was nearly completely self-contained,  
>and Hogan had full faith in Newkirk's ability to make a nuisance of himself.<strong>  
>Story: Amnesia?<br>Author: codenamepapabear

.

D  
><strong>The first time Colonel Hogan said, "You know what, Newkirk? That is an <strong>**excellent**** idea" without any trace of irony,  
>and proceeded to explain how they would set about it, Newkirk couldn't quite believe it.<br>In his experience, the average officer would never lower himself to listening to an NCO's remark, let alone approve and use it.  
>Officers were the stuck-up lot who remained safely at the back of the battle, directing troops as if conducting an orchestra<br>and having stiff upper lip competitions when it was time to look at the casualty lists.**  
>Story: For a Handful of Words<br>Author: Belphegor

.

E  
><strong>"<strong>**Mon Colonel,**** perhaps you should listen to Wolfgang before you act."  
><strong>_**"**__**Listen**__** to him? He's a dog!"**_**  
><strong>**A bit miffed, Fritzi turned his head to look at his leader. **_**"Permission to bite the human, sir."**_  
>Story: The Klingenhofer Adventure<br>Author: Sgt. Moffitt

.

F  
><strong>Klink inflated like an indignant, monocled tree frog.<strong>  
>Story: Party Games<br>Author: Dust on the Wind

.

G  
><strong>"In which case we send in Newkirk. Subtle hints like <strong>_**get lost**_** don't work on him."**  
>Story: Trust<br>Author: Silent Number

.

H  
><strong>In the four days since he'd first met this <strong>**imbécile ****of an RAF officer, he'd learned how pointless it was to argue;  
>the only results were a nagging headache<br>and a vague suspicion that the edge of disaster lay only a few centimetres away.**  
>Story: All Stations to Ramsgate<br>Author: Dust on the Wind

.

J  
><strong>If you value your life and your sanity, never antagonise the cook.<strong>  
>Story: The Battle of Barracks Two<br>Author: Belphegor

.

K  
><strong>"If you have just one bullet in your gun and the chance to kill both Churchill and Roosevelt with the same shot,<br>save that bullet to use on Hogan!  
>He is the single most dangerous man the Allies have!<br>They can go out and get another President, another Prime Minister,  
>there's always another one of those waiting in the wings, they're a pfenning a dozen,<br>but there is no other Hogan!"  
><strong>Story: A Private War  
>Author: SimoneSez<p>

.

L  
><strong>"If I have to play one more game of chess that I pretend to lose, pay one more inane compliment,<br>or sit at another boring dinner so he can show off his prized prisoner… I'll,  
>I'll… I'd rather be outside the wire where I could be caught.<br>No, I'd rather be outside the wire on an espionage mission with that White Russian woman!"  
><strong>_**"Sir, I think you need a vacation."**_**  
><strong>Story: With a Song in my Heart  
>Author: Snooky-9093<p>

.

M  
><strong>"Hogan, the Gestapo may be animals,<br>but calling them werewolves is a little much."  
><strong>Story: The POW Who Cried Werwolf  
>Author: Book'em Again<p>

.

N  
><strong>"Begging your pardon, sirs, but when you've finished composing your essays for <strong>_**House and Garden**_**,  
>perhaps you might like to get on with escaping from Germany."<strong>**  
><strong>Story: Party Games  
>Author: Dust on the Wind<p>

.

O  
><strong>As every Frenchman learns in his cradle,<br>lying to the English is not a sin.**  
>Story: All Stations to Ramsgate<br>Author: Dust on the Wind

.

P  
><strong>A couple of snips later he heard the word that no man in a barber's chair ever wished to hear.<br>**_**"Oops!"**_**  
><strong>Story: The POW Who Cried Werwolf  
>Author: Book'em Again<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Then an important request already:  
><strong>Can all the winners please report by email to papabearawards at yahoo dotcom<strong>  
>in order to get their award(s) sent out?<br>They will be designed this year by FloatingPizza,  
>who did a great job on them last year as well!<p>

.

The winning stories (gold, silver and bronze!) will shortly be included in the ffnet community with the PBA winners from the past years.

They will some time in the foreseeable future be listed on the PBA website as well, but I can't promise you when I'll get around to do that ;-)

* * *

><p><em>So – the adventure isn't quite over yet, but already I'd like to congratulate all the winners,<em>  
><em>as well as the other nominees who put up a real good fight.<em>  
><em>We had some *very* tight categories this year, believe me!<em>

_And thanks everyone who voted for my work! I'm honoured!_


	34. Splat!

"I don't get it, Colonel." Kinch squinted against the burning sunlight. "Why are these authors always writing that we're shivering in the freezing cold, with patches of snow everywhere? It's burning hot here!"

Hogan shrugged. "They've probably never been to Germany. And considering that we're at about the same latitude as the Canadian Calgary, they probably think the climate is about arctic here."

"Yeah, but it must be close to 80 degrees today. In the shadow! And it's only April!"

Carter was busy rolling up his shirt sleeves - his bomber jacket had been left inside. "Personally, I don't mind," he said. "With a sun like this, I won't have to use these silly tin plates to catch as much sun as I can."

"No, before you know it, you'll be as brown as a nut," Newkirk scoffed.

"I don't mind," Carter repeated.

"Neither do I." LeBeau, too, had taken off coat and barret - and even his red shawl and his sweater. "This reminds me of Paris. The benches on the quays along the Seine, with the sun burning hot at the wall behind us, and with a beautiful girl in my arms..."

Newkirk snickered, but the next moment - _splat! _"Blimey, what was that!" He went with his hand over his head. It came off wet and whitish. "What...?"

Carter tried not to laugh. "It looks like that bird over there mistook your head for a toilet."

"What bird?" Newkirk looked up, and indeed, at the roof perched a grey dove, looking at him with interest. "You ruddy...! LeBeau, grab it! I want to have bird steak for dinner tonight!"

"_Rookoo!_" replied the bird. It sounded like he was laughing at him.

"But... look!" Kinch held out his hand, and quickly, the bird hopped onto it. "It's got a message tied to its neck!"

"Well, then we got a message _and_ bird steak for dinner," Newkirk declared. He was still trying to wipe the bird poo out of his hair.

While Kinch expertly held the bird, Hogan fumbled to untie the string with which the paper was tied around the bird's neck. "Now what have we here..." He finally managed to get it loose, and unrolled the small paper.

"The Gazette?" LeBeau exclaimed.

And Carter read, "Special Addition to the Special Edition." His face brightened. "Yes, that's right - they hadn't figured out the quotes yet! So which ones won?"

.

.

**The Stalag 13 Gazette**

* * *

><p><strong>SPECIAL ADDITION TO THE SPECIAL EDITION<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>WINNERS OF THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS ANNOUNCED<strong>

_Finally: The Winning Quotes!_

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Gold:

**Klink inflated like an indignant, monocled tree frog.**  
>Story: Party Games<br>Author: Dust on the Wind

.

Silver:

**"You know, running a prisoner of war camp is very hard work. No wonder Klink went bald."  
><strong>_**"Don't worry, sir, you have plenty of hair. It'll last until the Allies arrive."**_  
>Story: For You, the War Is Over<br>Author: Hildegaarde

.

And a whole lot of bronze winners:

**"We're having Bratwurst, with a purée de pommes de terre, accompanied by sauce au jus d'oignon."  
><strong>_**"Uh, that doesn't sound like something Newkirk would like."**_**  
>"I know. Which is why I'm going to call it bangers and mash, with onion gravy."<br>**Story: Party Games  
>Author: Dust on the Wind<p>

.

**The idea seemed foolproof from the outside.  
>It was nearly completely self-contained,<br>and Hogan had full faith in Newkirk's ability to make a nuisance of himself.**  
>Story: Amnesia?<br>Author: codenamepapabear

.

**"****Mon Colonel,**** perhaps you should listen to Wolfgang before you act."  
><strong>_**"**__**Listen**__** to him? He's a dog!"**_**  
><strong>**A bit miffed, Fritzi turned his head to look at his leader. **_**"Permission to bite the human, sir."**_  
>Story: The Klingenhofer Adventure<br>Author: Sgt. Moffitt

.

**"In which case we send in Newkirk. Subtle hints like **_**get lost**_** don't work on him."**  
>Story: Trust<br>Author: Silent Number

.

**In the four days since he'd first met this ****imbécile ****of an RAF officer, he'd learned how pointless it was to argue;  
>the only results were a nagging headache<br>and a vague suspicion that the edge of disaster lay only a few centimetres away.**  
>Story: All Stations to Ramsgate<br>Author: Dust on the Wind

.

**If you value your life and your sanity, never antagonise the cook.**  
>Story: The Battle of Barracks Two<br>Author: Belphegor

.

**"Hogan, the Gestapo may be animals,  
>but calling them werewolves is a little much."<br>**Story: The POW Who Cried Werwolf  
>Author: Book'em Again<p>

.

**A couple of snips later he heard the word that no man in a barber's chair ever wished to hear.  
><strong>_**"Oops!"**_**  
><strong>Story: The POW Who Cried Werwolf  
>Author: Book'em Again<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Then an important request to anyone who hasn't done so yet:  
><strong>Can all the winners please report by email to papabearawards at yahoo dotcom<strong>  
>in order to get their award(s) sent out?<p>

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Well, that's all for now, folks!  
>Congratulations to all the winners, as well as to all the nominees who put up such a good fight.<p>

.

A great thank you, too, to everyone who sent in their nominations and their votes – without you guys, there wouldn't be a PBA!  
>The response was somewhat less than we've had in previous years, but the site has been rather quiet as well.<br>Maybe we need to recruit some more HH fans to join us...  
>Anyway, it's great to see so much enthusiasm, year after year after year,<br>and every time with new people joining in!

Another great thank you to Fortune Maiden, mmwaveprincess, ColHogan, Belphegor, FloatingPizza  
>and reserve crew Sgt. Moffitt<br>who made this fun competition possible this year with their invaluable assistance.

And of course our ever ready PBA committee:  
>Snooky-9093, jodm, Book'em Again and Sgt. Moffitt –<br>they had a lot of work this year!  
>Thank you so much for your input!<p>

.

The winning stories (gold, silver and bronze!) have been included in the ffnet community with the PBA winners from the past years.

They will some time in the foreseeable future be listed on the PBA website as well, but I can't promise you when I'll get around to do that ;-)

* * *

><p>.<p>

So now we're back to happily reading. And writing.

Thank you all for your infectious enthusiasm, and I hope to see your new stories, nominations and votes again next time around!

.

Your librarian,

konarciq

P.S. After expressing my thanks to everyone who voted for my work,  
>I'd like to add a blanket 'thank you all so much' for the thanks and appreciation you've been showering me with<br>for the work that's being done for the PBA.  
>When you keep getting negative responses to job applications (or no responses at all),<br>it's a great comfort to know that there are still people around who honestly appreciate your work!


End file.
